Releasing alongside two new Summer Blizzard flavors Jurassic Chomp and Summer Berry Cheesecake, Dairy Queen has thrown down the gauntlet and issued a bad pun challenge. Their website attempts to force your eyeballs to roll right out of your head by informing you that you have “dough-cisions, dough-cisions” to make. Supposedly, it’s hard to choose between the new Peanut Butter Cookie Dough and the classic Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Blizzards.
To them I say, dough you know who you are messing with? If there’s one thing I am good at, it’s being bad at everything I do. Head shaking hubristic fail aside, it is not, in fact, an over-kneaded dough-cision to make. If you are a fan of DQ’s traditional cookie dough then you probably doughn’t want this new one, and if peanut butter is your jam, you won’t be left dough-eyed either. Take that DQ! Find my full review, and more stupid!, over at The Impulsive Buy(more…)
I’ve always enjoyed Peeps for the marshmallowy sugar bomb that they are. If it’s adorable, it can’t be bad for you right? In either baby chick or bunny form, there isn’t anything cuter that’s 81% sugar by weight. Of course in my bat infested belfry, it’s the nightmare fuel they become when irradiated that really makes these a uniquely enjoyable treat. Their Cthulian transformation from candy kawaii into a horrifying blob of liquified marshmallon viscera after a few seconds in the microwave is morbidly fascinating. Unfortunately, none of that is applicable to the Oreoified Oreo Peeps version of them.
Returning this year, Peeps: The Next Generation integrate bas-relief carvings of Bugs and Daffy unlike 2017’s spin. Also, while the Oreoginal Series Oreo Peeps cookie sandwiched a neon pink creme between golden wafers, 2018’s Orenterprise-D has gone to the dark side with a chocolate wafer and purple creme. Tenuous portmanteaus and inappropriately mixed scifi properties aside, not so inquiring minds want to know, has the taste changed? Unearthing a package of 2017’s pink and gold Oreo Peeps from the back of the freezer, I conducted a bit of my kind of science, the fatty kind, and tried one of each.
Some will be thrilled to learn that these are indeed a different cookie beyond the simple change in wafer. Although the brilliant touch of sugary grit is still present, the Purple Peeps factory churns out a much more mellow and less harsh creme o’ mallow. Perhaps some of the edge is taken off by the more bitter chocolate wafer, but a less acrid cookie sort of defeats the premise of an Oreo Peeps. That should please most people who don’t like Peeps, but if you don’t like avian shaped marshmallow to begin with, why buy these? The golden wafered neon pink treat is more authentic to the Walter White-esque chemical laden party in your mouth that animalistic marshmallow treats are in their Pink Sky form.
Look, no one has ever eaten a Peep with knife and fork, pinky out, while adopting a pretentious British accent as they drone on about its sophisticated and subtle flavor profile. This is ‘Merca damn it, and I want to taste the chemical cocktail as it garrotes my violently thrashing taste buds like a Dexter guest star. In the end if you don’t like Peeps, you’ll probably be more into 2018 Right Peeps Oreo factory take but still not fall in love. If you liked the Left Factory’s golden Oreo Peeps, then you won’t like the new one’s as much, but they are still enjoyable. Either way, this is a peep show I’m into.
Purple Peep’s Factory Chompiness: 7 Jedi-Klingon’s out of 10
Yellow Peep’s Factory Chompiness: 8 R2-Data’s out of 10(more…)
Keep your “care-a-mel” out of my “karmul.” This is how one ends up with a sore back and told one can keep certain things out of certain other things. Enough stupid sayings such as that spew out of my mouth that I should consider running for president in 2021. Fortunately, I’ll have some tasty dulce de leche meets cookies and cream to comfort me this March. You can find my quick review of Baskin-Robbin’s Oreo’n Caramel Ice Cream over at The Impulsive Buy
Look, you can’t go wrong with Oreo cookies and mint, but can you get any less original? You can learn more in my review over at The Impulsive Buy. I’m cool with the St. Patrick’s Day theme treat, but let’s Emeril this bitch up a notch. Why not crib from Burger King for a, probably culturally insensitive, magically delicious Pot o’ Minty Charms Blizzard? Then again, 60% of my body consists of supersaturated cereal milk, so what do I know?