An Odyssey Through Assassin’s Creed Odyssey- Review-in-Progress

“The blade itself incites to deeds of violence.”

Homer, The Odyssey


Fortunately for us in Ubisoft’s latest murder tourism simulator simulator (you are in an animus after all), blades are aplenty. In this brilliant new feature, I’ll be updating my review notes as I progress through the game (or Porgress if you are a sad, sad Star Wars addict and animal lover like my wife). The idea being that since I have no idea how long this behemoth of a game will take to slay, I will give you a running log of my incredibly insightful takes you can’t find anywhere else! Or at the least, it makes me feel like less of a bum, and you might get a chuckle or two.



I’m about 10 or so hours into the game. So far digging the theme and environments more than Origins. Origin’s Egypt is a compelling backdrop, but seas of sand aren’t as appealing as seas of actual sea surrounding the lands of olives (not the Garden, that’s Italy), gyros (not the spinning thing) and Yogurt (Do you even lift brah?)..

I chose Kassandra to start as I was severely unimpressed with the voice acting I heard from Alexios from quick looks and such. That and Xena was a formative figure in my childhood, so I have a weak spot for badass Greek warrior women. And Aphrodite. For the love of chocolate lasagna Alexandria Tydings as Aphrodite is the living embodiment of the Goddess of Love. Her character is very aptly named as she certainly taught me what love is… Annnnyyyyyway, the story with Kassandra has been solid. I’m invested in her, and the mystery surrounding her family.

I’ve seen many complaints of bloat and fatigue from Ubisoft’s trademarked map vomit, but so far not a problem not a problem for me. The jobs one receives from the boards in towns are mostly standard rpg tropes. Think ancient TaskRabbit and/or moonlighting Orkin Man. They are mind numbingly facile but optional.  

The nemesis system light with the bounty hunters has been fun, very satisfying to murder other mercenaries and see them crossed off. That said, I don’t get much in the way of  personality from them hence the nemesis light.

Ship has been oddly disappointing, but I felt that way with Rogue as well. Black Flag was magical for me, and it just hasn’t been as engaging since. Doesn’t bode well for Skull and Bones. The lieutenant system has not been compelling and so far also seems unnecessary.

Odessa= Ancient Greek Paris Hilton and can fuck right off.

Also, the cure for ED in ancient Greece seems worse than the problem itself…


“Sing in me, Muse, and through me tell the story

of that man skilled in almost no ways of wit nor funny.”

-Me, Ripping Off Homer, The Odyssey


Want more A/C? You can read my Assassin’s Creed, Animal Crossing crossover taking the world by doldrum here, Assassin’s Crossing: Isulation. (more…)

Content Update

Greetings Friends! Just a quick note to let you know that in addition to no new Blizzard this month (although you can check out the fantastic Fall menu here), other content will be slow in coming as I deal with an injury. But fear not! More braincell erasing writing from yours not so truly will be on it’s way before you can say leggo my ketchup!

Dairy Queen Fall Blizzard Menu

Dairy Queen Dipped Strawberry with Ghirardelli Blizzard
Dairy Queen Dipped Strawberry with Ghirardelli Blizzard

Dairy Queen is coming at me with razor blades in candy apples this Fall. With both the season itself and Halloween topping the charts of their respective lists in my book, their Fall Blizzard Menu is threatening to turn me into the jolly old fat guy who goes boo, boo, boo. In addition to the Dipped Strawberry with Ghirardelli Blizzard pictured above, the classic Pumpkin Pie Blizzard, and delectable Oreo Hot Coca Blizzard return alongside the new Snickerdoodle Cookie Dough Blizzard. Combined with August’s lingering Reese’s Outrageous Blizzard, I have to remember not to wear orange to any parties, or I’ll end up with a fate worse than Charlie Browns.


Pumpkin Pie Blizzard Dairy Queen Full
Pumpkin Pie Blizzard Dairy Queen



Oreo Hot Cocoa Blizzard Dairy Queen


Spoon 2 Snickerdoodle Cookie Dough Blizzard Dairy Queen
Snickerdoodle Cookie Dough Blizzard Dairy Queen


Snickerdoodle Cookie Dough Blizzard Dairy Queen – QUICK REVIEW

Spoon 2 Snickerdoodle Cookie Dough Blizzard Dairy Queen

The Snickerdoodle Cookie Dough Blizzard featuring, what else, snickerdoodle cookie dough and cinnamon sugar is the sole new offering on the DQ Fall Blizzard. While I may drop it to waivers for higher upside flavors, at least I have the phenomenal Pumpkin Pie and Oreo Hot Cocoa to comfort me post Le’veon Bell pick shower cry. Find out all the details about this respectable treat over at The Impulsive Buy and watch this Hard Mocks season preview to see how I got in appropriately dough-like shape for this fantasy football season.  (more…)