Baskin-Robbins Love Potion #31 Quick Review

Baskin-Robbins Love Potion #31

 

People are far too judgmental. Should a person be ostracized for eccentric tastes? Should a man or woman be shunned by society and forced to live a solitary existence because they happen to own an angry inflatable love doll that looks like Spock? I say no! I say a Klingon Bat’leth shaped dildo is a sign of a playful and adventurous soul. Forgetting said article of nerdy love fun in one’s carryon luggage should not result in being added to the No Fly List! Happened to a friend… If you’d like to learn more about why said friend might need the aid of a Love Potion, find my review of Baskin-Robbins Love Potion #31 at The Impulsive Buy. It’s magic may be limited to the realm of taste (of which I could clearly use some help), but that’s good enough for me.

Baskin-Robbins Cannoli be With You Ice Cream Quick Review

Baskin-Robbins Cannoli be With You

Baskin-Robbins appears to have a problem with mondegreens. Either Bob Baskin or Robby Robbins conflated Italian love with Itlian pastry when they saw a moon made of pizza. Maybe they aren’t the only ones… I bet the ninja turtles got my back on this one, so who cares, right? I can’t see another reason that Baskin-Robbins Cannoli be With You Ice Cream is the Febrary Flavor of the Month. Cannoli doesn’t exactly scream “I Love you.” I mean, sure, I’m a fat Sicilian at heart so Cannoli is one of the fastest ways into my bed, but I’m not so sure that applies to others as readily. Find my TMNT approved review over at The Impulisve Buy.

Dairy Queen Dipped Strawberry with Ghirardelli Blizzard Quick Review

Dairy Queen Dipped Strawberry with Ghirardelli Blizzard

February being known for Valentine’s Day and the Super Bowl, I’m glad DQ took the former for inspiration for this month’s treat. I can’t even begin to imagine the horrors of a TB12 approved Blizzard. Avacado Avalanche? Kale and the Black Bean Stalk? You may be QB1 on my fantasy team sir, but you will be my Blizzardista over my artery clogged corpse. Dairy Queen Dipped Strawberry with Ghirardelli Blizzard places a safer bet by upgrading their older Choco Covered Strawberry Blizzard with Ghiradelli chocolate. Wise and tasty move DQ. You can find my review over at The Impulsive Buy.

Now Gronk, I bet he would know how to make a Blizzard. Kahlua, Bailey’s, Creme de Cacao ice creams filled white fudge covered brownies. Gronk if you’re horny people.

Hot & Spicy Cinnamon Oreo / Chocolate Hazelnut Oreo – Chibi Chomp

 

Hot & Spicy Cinnamon Oreo / Chocolate Hazelnut Oreo Nutella Red HotNew Hot & Spicy Cinnamon Oreos and Chocolate Hazelnut Oreos. Wow, was I underwhelmed.
Suprisingly, the red-hot in all but name was the better of the two, tasting exactly as I imagined it would. A sweet red hot creme between two chocolate Oreos. Not my speed, but I can see where others would enjoy it.

The chocolate hazelnut is also as described, if you like your Nutella to taste as artificial as Trump’s hair. Nothing worked for me here, not the filling nor the choice of golden Oreo wafer to pair with it.

Chompee: Hot & Spicy Cinnamon Oreo / Chocolate Hazelnut Oreo
Chompiness: While the red hots are ok, I’ll take a regular Oreo over them every time. The chocolate hazelnut on the other hand tastes like Nabisco tried to make a Nutella Oreo but sourced the creme from a flea market in Tijuana with jars of “Fautlla” that were tucked between “Folex’s” and “Foakley’s.” In the end, I will build a great, great wall between my mouth and these Oreos and Nabisco will pay for it.

Baskin-Robbins Bobsled Brownie Ice Cream Quick Review

Baskin-Robbins Bobsled Brownie Ice Cream

Normally when it’s so cold the snowmen in my yard have committed suicide by bonfire to stay warm, I’m not in the mood for ice cream. But Despite the Killer Snow Goonesque horror show that looks like a bad CW pilot for CSI: North Pole, I was excited to learn of Baskin-Robbins Bobsled Brownie Ice Cream. Blonde brownie pieces and a fudge crackle ribbon mixed with milk-chocolate-mousse and butter-caramel-flavored ice cream is the temptation of the month for January. Read my full review over at The Impulsive Buy.

Kellogg’s Super Mario Cereal Amiibo Box Chomp

Super Mario Cereal Box Front

From his first squashed goomba in the 1980’s, Mario has possessed the hearts and controller clutching hands of adults and children alike. No longer content with mere metaphorical control of his adoring public, Mario’s latest adventure in Odyssey finds his iconic red hat infused with an ethereal being named Cappy. This friendly fedora enables Mario to plant his mustache on both sentient creatures and inanimate objects which he then directly controls. Apparently, plumbing the dark recesses of his greatest foe’s mind sent him spiraling deep into the abyss he has for so long gazed into. For now, after assuming dominion over Odyssey’s kingdoms with his new found power, our pasta munching Napoleon has turned Cappy’s ghostly gaze to our world. Through dark, pointed hatted kamek magic, Mario has plastered his merry mug on Kellogg’s Super Mario Cereal boxes across the nation.

 

Not only does Mario attempt to enrapture you with his baby blues’ best come hither, the cereal box itself is an amiibo complete with Nintendo’s aneurysm inducing policy of making them as difficult as possible to find. Never one to be thwarted, Mario managed to take control of my wallet when I tracked his latest foray into cereal down at my local Walmart. Quickly stuffing his cardboard canvas under my winter coat, I made like a nabbit for the checkout line. Arriving home a few hours later after an unforeseeable delay involving a nonplussed loss prevention specialist and a tazer, I cracked open the box and poured a handful of the Mushroom Kingdom medley into my still tingling hands.

Super Mario Cereal Bowl 2

Super Mario Cereal’s star shaped oat pieces and mushroom, hat, and coin block marshmallow pieces spilled through my eager hands like gold coins into Wario’s grubby mitts. Unfortunately, echoes of him sneering “loser” rang through my head as I sampled my treasured cereal booty. While Mario chose Lucky to wear his machiavellian mustache and create his breakfast treat, possession drained all of the magical deliciousness from this pale imitation. When isolated and eaten dry, there is a heavy oat flavor with little sweetness in tow from the star pieces. 

Super Mario Cereal Spoon

Things don’t improve with the colorful if misshapen marshmallows. Mario maniacs will be able to discern their pixelated namesakes, but blowing through his nest after early retirement has forced him to outsource mallow manufacturing to the low wage Atari 2600 Kingdom to save a few gold coins. They share an equally unsatisfying texture that dissolves in your mouth like Mario on the wrong end of a podoboo and taste of a generic, sugary “fruit” flavor you know and don’t love. Even when combined, the cereal offers the dry snacking appeal of revisting Mario’s vacation on Isle Delfino.

When submerged in your milk of choice, Super Mario Cereal doesn’t improve and becomes blander as the somnolent fruit flavor packs the punch of Baby Luigi. Perhaps Mario should have spent a bit more time in the Luncheon Kingdom as even a starving Yoshi wouldn’t be excited to swallow a bowl of these Not-So-Lucky Charms.

Super Mario Cereal Box Rear

As for the Amiibo functionality of the box itself, it provides no unique Odyssey benefit. It will either reveal a moon location with Uncle Amiibo or coins when used normally. The scanner is located on the back of the box where you’ll find cute, albeit prosaic, art beside a maze and a trivia game that both prove facile for even goombas like me.

Given the underwhelming taste of this cereal, there is only one sane conclusion to draw. Mario has devised an amiibotized cereal botnet (that I’ve not so cleverly coined “boxnet”) as a Trojan Yoshi that will allow him to capture vast swaths of the world at once when Mushroom Kingdom Order 66 is given. If you relish the idea of a life of toil in Mario Party themed labor camps, this is worth picking up for the novelty of the box alone. For those in search of a fruity breakfast sans dystopian future, keep your wallet far away from Cappy when venturing into the Cereal Aisle Kingdom.

I leave you with this not so lovely piece of food “art” that is more ztar than star and illustrates why words are my paint brush of choice…

Super Mario Cereal Janky Star


Chompee: Kellogg’s Super Mario Cereal

Chompiness: 5 hungry yoshis out of 10 for the uninspired and hohum flavor. 9 boxnet zombie cereal boxes out of 10 for making my inner child happy

     

(more…)

Kellogg’s Donut Shop Pink Donut Cereal Review

Kellogg's Donut Shop Pink Donut Box

Pink Donut is my new obsession

Pink, as a flava’s the question

Pink on tips of fingers you cover

Cause Pink is new from the cupboard

Pink as the ring of your pastry

But taste? Not so very

Pink it’s no flavor renascent

Cause it’s take is sugar refreshment

Pink it was love at first bite

Yeah, pink is more than alright

And pink, eat more I just might

But donut, it does not taste much like

Not even with my eyes closed tight

You could be my cereal bingo

‘Cause taste is like a treat from Nabisco

Pink like suga’ and waffa’

It’s distinct – and it’s spell I’m under

Pink it was love at first bite

Yeah, pink is more than alright

And pink, eat more I just might

But donut, it does not taste much like

Not even with my eyes closed tight

I want to be your devourer

I want to unwrap yo’ plastic

As pink as the milk that you lay in

Cause pink is my favorite remnant, yeah

Pink it was love at first bite

Yeah, pink is more than alright

Pink, a donut it’s not quite

But still, everything goes down just right

I will have another bowl tonight

Kellogg's Donut Shop Pink Donut Spoon


Chompee: Kellogg’s Donut Shop Pink Donut Cereal

Chompiness: 8 cereal addled Steven Tyler’s out of 10 (more…)

Lindt LINDOR Gingerbread Truffles Quick Review

Lindt Lindor Gingerbread Truffles

To gingerbread kind, I am known as The Divine Devourer. A capricious, all powerful being who gives
them form, shelter, and life itself merely so that I can enjoy looking upon my creation before
smiting them. Their stale, broken and desiccated bodies discarded like so much refuse if they somehow manage to
escape the jaws of their sugar seeking creator for more than a few days. Lindt has taken pity upon these poor unfortunate souls and released Lindt LINDOR Gingerbread Truffles. Find out if I have fallen from the Ginger Pantheon in my review over at The Impulisve Buy.

(more…)

Baskin-Robbins York Peppermint Pattie Ice Cream Quick Review

Baskin-Robbins York Peppermint Pattie Ice Cream Review

York Peppermint Pattie fans unite and fight back against Santa’s shadowy puppet masters! Too long has the holiday peppermint conversation been dominated by a weirdly shaped hard candy. Read more about the dark forces driving this grave injustice in my review of Baskin-Robbins York Peppermint Pattie Ice Cream over at The Impulsive Buy.

(more…)

Quaker Oats Gingerbread Spice Life Cereal – Chibi Chomp

Quaker Oats Gingerbread Spice Life Cereal Box and Bowl

In daring his would be devourers to catch him, the Icarus of seasonal treats flew to close to the oven light on wings made from icing. Since the inception of breakfast cereal, he’s lived on stories of his athletic prowess. No mascot dared try, not cap’ns, leprechauns, nor even tigers. No, the Gingerbread man’s bluff was finally called by none other than the breakfast aisle figure head for honesty, integrity, purity and strength. Larry the Quaker man; the first cereal every to my knowledge to possess gingerbread flavor. Why Larry took it upon himself to capture and infuse his new limited edition Life Gingerbread Spice cereal with powdered bits of the cocky cookie, we may never know. What we do know is that humility will never make Larry’s list of virtues as he plasters the limited edition box with delightfully adorable trophies of his prey. I’m glad he is the boastful sort though as the box art is probably my of the year.

Unfortunately, beyond the first-of-its kind flavor and fantastic art, I have nothing nice to say.

To me, the cereal carries an astringent molasses flavor, and I swear it leaves a lingering aftertaste of cloves. Both important elements in gingerbread, but absent significantly more sweetness, a palate pleaser this is not.

I’m thrilled this product exists; I just hope someone takes the idea and does it better. You needn’t bother running from me Mr. Gingerbread because I for one won’t be giving chase.


Chompee: Quaker Oats Gingerbread Spice Life Cereal

Chompiness: 4 power walking gingerbread men out of 10

(more…)