Quick Review: Dairy Queen Summer Berry Cheesecake Blizzard Treat

Dairy Queen Summer Berry Cheesecake Blizzard Treat

Dairy Queen Summer Berry Cheesecake Blizzard Treat
Berry nice.

I’m just an NPC in The Simulation trying to get Ed Sheeran’s cheesecake. That will make more sense if you read my review of the Summery Berry Cheesecake Blizzard over at The Impulsive Buy. One of the two new blizzards on DQ’s summer menu, this one doesn’t live up to it’s billing like the Titanosaurically flavor packed Jurassic Chomp , or even the mildly disappointing Peanut Butter Flavor of the Month. Still, if I get to keep eating the cheesecake part of this dessert, count me in Ed.

Quick Review: Dairy Queen Jurassic Chomp Blizzard Treat

Dairy Queen Jurassic Chomp Blizzard Treat

Dairy Queen Jurassic Chomp Blizzard
Peanut butter will find a way.

I’m not sure why dinosaurs are so cranky, but every movie shows them wracking up pinball-esque amounts of economic damage and munching on vacuous tourist-mcnuggets.  It just doesn’t make any sense as Dairy Queen seems to think that dinos are inextricably linked to peanut butter and chocolate. With 2015’s Jurassic Smash featuring peanut butter cookies, chocolate chip cookie dough and choco chunks, and the new Jurassic Chomp mixing buckeye’s and fudge topping, there’s no excuse to be so pissed off. Maybe their local DQ was out of buckeye’s and they were stuck eating the sub-par Summer Berry Cheesecake sibling to this Summer Menu Blizzard or the Peanut Butter Cookie Dough April Flavor of the Month.

I know no matter what idiotic thing has come out of my mouth chocolate, especially combined with peanut butter, will soothe my raging T. rex of a wife.  And if you can’t trust Dairy Queen for accurate paleontological trivia, who can you trust? Find my review of the smashing Jurassic Chomp over at The Impulsive Buy. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to grab some chocolate covered peanuts on the way home…

Quick Review: Dairy Queen Peanut Butter Cookie Dough Blizzard

Dairy Queen Peanut Butter Cookie Dough Blizzard
Dairy Queen Peanut Butter TOPPING and Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Blizzard

Releasing alongside two new Summer Blizzard flavors Jurassic Chomp and Summer Berry Cheesecake, Dairy Queen has thrown down the gauntlet and issued a bad pun challenge. Their website attempts to force your eyeballs to roll right out of your head by informing you that you have “dough-cisions, dough-cisions” to make. Supposedly, it’s hard to choose between the new Peanut Butter Cookie Dough and the classic Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Blizzards.

To them I say, dough you know who you are messing with? If there’s one thing I am good at, it’s being bad at everything I do. Head shaking hubristic fail aside, it is not, in fact, an over-kneaded dough-cision to make. If you are a fan of DQ’s traditional cookie dough then you probably doughn’t want this new one, and if peanut butter is your jam, you won’t be left dough-eyed either. Take that DQ! Find my full review, and more stupid!, over at The Impulsive Buy (more…)

Quick Review: Dairy Queen Mint Oreo Blizzard

Dairy Queen Mint Oreo Blizzard

Look, you can’t go wrong with Oreo cookies and mint, but can you get any less original? You can learn more in my review over at The Impulsive Buy. I’m cool with the St. Patrick’s Day theme treat, but let’s Emeril this bitch up a notch. Why not crib from Burger King for a, probably culturally insensitive, magically delicious Pot o’ Minty Charms Blizzard? Then again, 60% of my body consists of supersaturated cereal milk, so what do I know? 

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Quick Review: Dairy Queen Dipped Strawberry with Ghirardelli Blizzard

Dairy Queen Dipped Strawberry with Ghirardelli Blizzard

February being known for Valentine’s Day and the Super Bowl, I’m glad DQ took the former for inspiration for this month’s treat. I can’t even begin to imagine the horrors of a TB12 approved Blizzard. Avacado Avalanche? Kale and the Black Bean Stalk? You may be QB1 on my fantasy team sir, but you will be my Blizzardista over my artery clogged corpse. Dairy Queen Dipped Strawberry with Ghirardelli Blizzard places a safer bet by upgrading their older Choco Covered Strawberry Blizzard with Ghiradelli chocolate. Wise and tasty move DQ. You can find my review over at The Impulsive Buy.

Now Gronk, I bet he would know how to make a Blizzard. Kahlua, Bailey’s, Creme de Cacao ice creams filled white fudge covered brownies. Gronk if you’re horny people.