An Odyssey Through Assassin’s Creed Odyssey- Review-in-Progress

“The blade itself incites to deeds of violence.”

Homer, The Odyssey


Fortunately for us in Ubisoft’s latest murder tourism simulator simulator (you are in an animus after all), blades are aplenty. In this brilliant new feature, I’ll be updating my review notes as I progress through the game (or Porgress if you are a sad, sad Star Wars addict and animal lover like my wife). The idea being that since I have no idea how long this behemoth of a game will take to slay, I will give you a running log of my incredibly insightful takes you can’t find anywhere else! Or at the least, it makes me feel like less of a bum, and you might get a chuckle or two.



I’m about 10 or so hours into the game. So far digging the theme and environments more than Origins. Origin’s Egypt is a compelling backdrop, but seas of sand aren’t as appealing as seas of actual sea surrounding the lands of olives (not the Garden, that’s Italy), gyros (not the spinning thing) and Yogurt (Do you even lift brah?)..

I chose Kassandra to start as I was severely unimpressed with the voice acting I heard from Alexios from quick looks and such. That and Xena was a formative figure in my childhood, so I have a weak spot for badass Greek warrior women. And Aphrodite. For the love of chocolate lasagna Alexandria Tydings as Aphrodite is the living embodiment of the Goddess of Love. Her character is very aptly named as she certainly taught me what love is… Annnnyyyyyway, the story with Kassandra has been solid. I’m invested in her, and the mystery surrounding her family.

I’ve seen many complaints of bloat and fatigue from Ubisoft’s trademarked map vomit, but so far not a problem not a problem for me. The jobs one receives from the boards in towns are mostly standard rpg tropes. Think ancient TaskRabbit and/or moonlighting Orkin Man. They are mind numbingly facile but optional.  

The nemesis system light with the bounty hunters has been fun, very satisfying to murder other mercenaries and see them crossed off. That said, I don’t get much in the way of  personality from them hence the nemesis light.

Ship has been oddly disappointing, but I felt that way with Rogue as well. Black Flag was magical for me, and it just hasn’t been as engaging since. Doesn’t bode well for Skull and Bones. The lieutenant system has not been compelling and so far also seems unnecessary.

Odessa= Ancient Greek Paris Hilton and can fuck right off.

Also, the cure for ED in ancient Greece seems worse than the problem itself…


“Sing in me, Muse, and through me tell the story

of that man skilled in almost no ways of wit nor funny.”

-Me, Ripping Off Homer, The Odyssey


Want more A/C? You can read my Assassin’s Creed, Animal Crossing crossover taking the world by doldrum here, Assassin’s Crossing: Isulation. (more…)

Assassin’s Crossing Isulation: Sitrep III Nook’s and Crannies

Sitrep III: Nook’s and Crannies

After leaving the dog’s den, I made for the wrong side of the tracks. Well, the other side of the tracks anyway. “Nook’s Homes” appeared to have perhaps a bit of a seedy look tucked between the sigh “Club lol” and the post office. Ignoring the den of depravity and disease and not wanting to have my not-so-funny bone tickled, I beat feet for the door.

If I wasn’t sure before, I’m sure now that I’m being watched like a school girl in in a pervy pachinko parlor. The question is, was Nook informed by Isabelle or someone else? If Isabelle narced, why would Nook be say so? It would only make sense it were someone else. Unless of course he wanted to throw me off the trail in case I suspected anything because obviously it couldn’t be Isabelle if he was giving me her name. Fortunately, I’ve spent years building up an immunity to Iocane powder.

No more time now, but if you missed my last entry you can find it here or start from the beginning here.


Assassin’s Crossing: Isulation – Welcome to the Godswood

Sitrep II: Welcome to the Godswood

Assassin's Creed Isulation Animal Crossing
The name’s Wuhn, Aevrie Wuhn.

Hopefully you got my last message. If not, try looking here. Time’s short, so let’s get on with this. Access to the village is restricted to rail as far as I can tell. Security aboard the sole train is limited to an operative posing as a feline vagrant calling himself  “Rover.”

How droll.

He seems to ply travelers for personal details that he presumably passes along for tracking of potential troublemakers or perhaps new recruits. Initially, I thought the cat costume was a way to disarm people via its absurdity. I’m not so sure now.

The first signs of physical security are evident on arrival when you are greeted by “Porter.” Who ever hands out code names has the creativity and sense of humor of my grandmother. Maybe go with something a little cleverer and call your bitchy garbage man Oscar or your pimply burger flipper Mr. Rhombus Pants at the local Jackalope in the Box. Come to think of it, a talking sea sponge wouldn’t be the craziest thing in this binned Twilight Zone episode.

Porter does not have any visible armaments, but he is clearly muscle. If they are trying to hide his weapons, they must either want to lure travelers in or keep up pretenses with the villagers. Tell someone a lie enough times and they will begin to believe it I suppose. This is when I went from thinking train car Jar Jar was a ploy, to not being sure what the hell is going on.

I tried to play off my shock at this guard monkey with a quick joke. In hindsight, “Is that a banana in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?” may not have been the best icebreaker. His dead eyed stare was unnerving, but he didn’t let on if he knew what I was about. Fortunately, everyone here seems to speak English like every crappy scifi show— unless communication issues are a plot point of course.

Assassin's Creed Isulation Animal Crossing
Is that a banana in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?

Regardless, I made it past the entrance without raising any suspicions as far as I could tell and was directed to the town hall.

Alright, I’ve got to cut this off. I hope someone is reading this…

If you’re finding this for the first time, try looking here for the full report. The fate of the world depends on it. No pressure.