MORDOR—With recent shocking revelations that Eyebook is spying on it’s users, Middle-earther’s are beginning to question whether the Dark Lord Sauron has their best interests at heart. The latest scandal of the beleaguered platform asserts that Eyebook is giving away Lembas of the Month subscriptions to underage hobbits who agree to install an ‘Eyebook research VPN’ on their palantir.
This app allows the Eye of Sauron to focus on all users at once—capturing every action at all times. “Your data couldn’t be in safer hands” top executive Saruman the White says. “This isn’t the overreaching, omnipresent, total invasion of user privacy elven alarmists would have you believe. Tracking every movement, action, and even thought of users allows Eyebook to enhance their experience by serving more relevant ads” says Saruman. “This is a win/win situation.”
When asked about accusations of orcish advertising intended to influence the recent Gondorian succession, Saruman denied knowledge of any such activities.