Cinnamon Toast Crunch Churros – QUICK REVIEW

Cinnamon Toast Crunch Churros Bowl 2

Need a socially acceptable means to eat fried pastries for breakfast? Well the good people at General Mills got chef Wendell to make our deep fried fatty fantasies come true. Find out just how much more crunch the new Cinnamon Toast Crunch Churros pack in my review over at The Impulsive Buy.


Dairy Queen Secret Menu Coffee Oreo Blizzard

Dairy Queen Secret Menu Coffee Oreo Blizzard
Welcome to my… Buzz feed.

Not content to restrict my caffienated machinations to geting buzzed along with Buzz mochafied moo juice in my Cheerios, I’ve gone undercover. My first mission (and last as I’m going vegan!) has me ordering the Coffee Oreo Blizzard from the Dairy Queen “Secret Menu.” Found out more in my Oreo oration over at The Impulsive Buy.


Sugar Cookie Toast Crunch – REVIEW

Sugar Cookie Toast Crunch

Sugar Cookie Toast Crunch
Clearly I’ve been nice this year.


I missed Sugar Cookie Toast Crunch during it’s first magical run in 2014 and 2015. People’s reverence for it bordered on mason jar full of toenail clipping levels of creepiness. Now I have the chance to rectify this crime against my taste buds as It’s back for this holiday season! The box art appears to be the same, and it’s merilly magnificent. I’m a sucker for holiday packaging, and the adorable Crazy Squares decked out in santa hats and rocking stockings for pants are right up my alley. It almost makes me feel bad that I’m about to embark on a milky quest to purge this world of Crazy Square kind. Almost.

You see, Sugar Cookie Toast Crunch is amazing. Dry, it is every bit as good as it’s supporters purport. It puts all of the other bakery based treats like the good Capn’s or Kellogg’s takes that I’ve tried to shame. With General Mills jacking into my small and easily pliable mind (explaining why I’ve indulged my wife’s borderline crazy cat lady status) the only thing I can think of is a sugar cookie light on the sugar.

A less sugary, sugar cookie might sound like a faux pas, but it works very well in Toast Crunch form. Whereas the OG bah humbug Cinnamon Toast Crunch is drenched in hyper sweet deliciousness, Sugar Cookie Toast Crunch is a bit more restrained. It’s what I envision Santa’s milk mate of choice would taste like if last minute Nice List bribes were placed out the morning after I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus. Milk certainly changes the flavor, but I found I preferred it dry as leche leeches some of the magic and sweetness—at least in my nut based milk experiments. Meanwhile, it makes a fantastic greek yogurt mix-in, and a peanut buttered toast companion imparts a bit of a peanut butter cookie vibe. I guess 1+1 does equal 2. There’s that college degree paying off again

Take it from a man who crumbled Oreo’s into a bowl and doused them in milk before Oreo O’s rebirth, this is a more socially acceptable way to eat cookies for breakfast. In fact, I will share the uncomfortably warm take that Sugar Cookie Toast Crunch is superior to Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Will you agree? Maybe, but it’s worth trying even if you give me the same incredulous look my wife did from beneath her purring blanket. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to look into vacuum sealing cereal in case it’s another few years before I see my beloved toast shaped cookies again.


The Chomp: Sugar Cookie Toast Crunch

Chompiness: 9 bowls of Santa who looks kinda like the neighbor bribes out of 10


An Odyssey Through Assassin’s Creed Odyssey- Review-in-Progress

“The blade itself incites to deeds of violence.”

Homer, The Odyssey


Fortunately for us in Ubisoft’s latest murder tourism simulator simulator (you are in an animus after all), blades are aplenty. In this brilliant new feature, I’ll be updating my review notes as I progress through the game (or Porgress if you are a sad, sad Star Wars addict and animal lover like my wife). The idea being that since I have no idea how long this behemoth of a game will take to slay, I will give you a running log of my incredibly insightful takes you can’t find anywhere else! Or at the least, it makes me feel like less of a bum, and you might get a chuckle or two.



I’m about 10 or so hours into the game. So far digging the theme and environments more than Origins. Origin’s Egypt is a compelling backdrop, but seas of sand aren’t as appealing as seas of actual sea surrounding the lands of olives (not the Garden, that’s Italy), gyros (not the spinning thing) and Yogurt (Do you even lift brah?)..

I chose Kassandra to start as I was severely unimpressed with the voice acting I heard from Alexios from quick looks and such. That and Xena was a formative figure in my childhood, so I have a weak spot for badass Greek warrior women. And Aphrodite. For the love of chocolate lasagna Alexandria Tydings as Aphrodite is the living embodiment of the Goddess of Love. Her character is very aptly named as she certainly taught me what love is… Annnnyyyyyway, the story with Kassandra has been solid. I’m invested in her, and the mystery surrounding her family.

I’ve seen many complaints of bloat and fatigue from Ubisoft’s trademarked map vomit, but so far not a problem not a problem for me. The jobs one receives from the boards in towns are mostly standard rpg tropes. Think ancient TaskRabbit and/or moonlighting Orkin Man. They are mind numbingly facile but optional.  

The nemesis system light with the bounty hunters has been fun, very satisfying to murder other mercenaries and see them crossed off. That said, I don’t get much in the way of  personality from them hence the nemesis light.

Ship has been oddly disappointing, but I felt that way with Rogue as well. Black Flag was magical for me, and it just hasn’t been as engaging since. Doesn’t bode well for Skull and Bones. The lieutenant system has not been compelling and so far also seems unnecessary.

Odessa= Ancient Greek Paris Hilton and can fuck right off.

Also, the cure for ED in ancient Greece seems worse than the problem itself…


“Sing in me, Muse, and through me tell the story

of that man skilled in almost no ways of wit nor funny.”

-Me, Ripping Off Homer, The Odyssey


Want more A/C? You can read my Assassin’s Creed, Animal Crossing crossover taking the world by doldrum here, Assassin’s Crossing: Isulation. (more…)