Sugar Cookie Toast Crunch – REVIEW

Sugar Cookie Toast Crunch

Sugar Cookie Toast Crunch
Clearly I’ve been nice this year.


I missed Sugar Cookie Toast Crunch during it’s first magical run in 2014 and 2015. People’s reverence for it bordered on mason jar full of toenail clipping levels of creepiness. Now I have the chance to rectify this crime against my taste buds as It’s back for this holiday season! The box art appears to be the same, and it’s merilly magnificent. I’m a sucker for holiday packaging, and the adorable Crazy Squares decked out in santa hats and rocking stockings for pants are right up my alley. It almost makes me feel bad that I’m about to embark on a milky quest to purge this world of Crazy Square kind. Almost.

You see, Sugar Cookie Toast Crunch is amazing. Dry, it is every bit as good as it’s supporters purport. It puts all of the other bakery based treats like the good Capn’s or Kellogg’s takes that I’ve tried to shame. With General Mills jacking into my small and easily pliable mind (explaining why I’ve indulged my wife’s borderline crazy cat lady status) the only thing I can think of is a sugar cookie light on the sugar.

A less sugary, sugar cookie might sound like a faux pas, but it works very well in Toast Crunch form. Whereas the OG bah humbug Cinnamon Toast Crunch is drenched in hyper sweet deliciousness, Sugar Cookie Toast Crunch is a bit more restrained. It’s what I envision Santa’s milk mate of choice would taste like if last minute Nice List bribes were placed out the morning after I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus. Milk certainly changes the flavor, but I found I preferred it dry as leche leeches some of the magic and sweetness—at least in my nut based milk experiments. Meanwhile, it makes a fantastic greek yogurt mix-in, and a peanut buttered toast companion imparts a bit of a peanut butter cookie vibe. I guess 1+1 does equal 2. There’s that college degree paying off again

Take it from a man who crumbled Oreo’s into a bowl and doused them in milk before Oreo O’s rebirth, this is a more socially acceptable way to eat cookies for breakfast. In fact, I will share the uncomfortably warm take that Sugar Cookie Toast Crunch is superior to Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Will you agree? Maybe, but it’s worth trying even if you give me the same incredulous look my wife did from beneath her purring blanket. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to look into vacuum sealing cereal in case it’s another few years before I see my beloved toast shaped cookies again.


The Chomp: Sugar Cookie Toast Crunch

Chompiness: 9 bowls of Santa who looks kinda like the neighbor bribes out of 10


Review: Lindt LINDOR Gingerbread Truffles

Lindt Lindor Gingerbread Truffles

To gingerbread kind, I am known as The Divine Devourer. A capricious, all powerful being who gives
them form, shelter, and life itself merely so that I can enjoy looking upon my creation before
smiting them. Their stale, broken and desiccated bodies discarded like so much refuse if they somehow manage to
escape the jaws of their sugar seeking creator for more than a few days. Lindt has taken pity upon these poor unfortunate souls and released Lindt LINDOR Gingerbread Truffles. Find out if I have fallen from the Ginger Pantheon in my review over at The Impulisve Buy.


Review: Quaker Oats Gingerbread Spice Life Cereal

Quaker Oats Gingerbread Spice Life Cereal Box and Bowl

In daring his would be devourers to catch him, the Icarus of seasonal treats flew to close to the oven light on wings made from icing. Since the inception of breakfast cereal, he’s lived on stories of his athletic prowess. No mascot dared try, not cap’ns, leprechauns, nor even tigers. No, the Gingerbread man’s bluff was finally called by none other than the breakfast aisle figure head for honesty, integrity, purity and strength. Larry the Quaker man; the first cereal every to my knowledge to possess gingerbread flavor. Why Larry took it upon himself to capture and infuse his new limited edition Life Gingerbread Spice cereal with powdered bits of the cocky cookie, we may never know. What we do know is that humility will never make Larry’s list of virtues as he plasters the limited edition box with delightfully adorable trophies of his prey. I’m glad he is the boastful sort though as the box art is probably my of the year.

Unfortunately, beyond the first-of-its kind flavor and fantastic art, I have nothing nice to say.

To me, the cereal carries an astringent molasses flavor, and I swear it leaves a lingering aftertaste of cloves. Both important elements in gingerbread, but absent significantly more sweetness, a palate pleaser this is not.

I’m thrilled this product exists; I just hope someone takes the idea and does it better. You needn’t bother running from me Mr. Gingerbread because I for one won’t be giving chase.

Chompee: Quaker Oats Gingerbread Spice Life Cereal

Chompiness: 4 power walking gingerbread men out of 10


Review: Quaker Oats Chewy Snow Day Granola Bars

Quaker Oats Chewy Snow Day Granola Bars

Foil finish art is nerd crack, so Quaker Oats new Chewy Snowday Gingerbread Spice Granola bars were in my cart faster than the Flash heading for a bathroom after Chipotle. While enamored by the snowy slopes, I admit I have no idea what gingerbread men, snow days, skiing, and chewy junkfood preying on the granola health halo have to do with one another. Still, the glossy wrapper around each bar is a miniature version of the wonderland depicted on the box.


What about the trivial matter of taste? Unfortunately, the flavor isn’t quite as magical as the marketing campaign. The bars aren’t anywhere near as gooey as they appear on the box, but they do seem a bit more moist than the standard fare. Initially, they bring the standard granolaly (yes, I just made that a word) oat flavor with a bit of ginger. The ginger tantrically teases your taste buds though as it is unlocked by working your way through the corn syrupy chewiness. What began as merely a tease of ginger flavor ultimately leaves a lingering after taste. Fans of ginger will be thrilled, but it is powerful enough to be off putting for the less gingerecally (yeah, that’s right another!) inclined. We are talking Santa hatted Godzilla level breath after morbidly masticating an entire gingerbread ski lodge. The icing swirled on top seems to mellow the intense ginger spiciness somewhat, providing a bit of moistness and generic sweetness. That’s all these bring to the table though, none of the other familiar tastes seemed to have had school canceled as I could detect nary a trace of cloves, nutmeg or cinnamon.


I’m left a little out in the cold with the bars themselves, but as long as it’s outside the ski lodge accompanying glittery snow capped peaks on the wrapper, I’ll happily be devoured alongside my ginger breadthren by a demogorgon with a sweet tooth.

Chompee: Quaker Oats Chewy Snow Day Granola Bars

Chompiness: 7 demogorgon cavities out of 10