The Snickerdoodle Cookie Dough Blizzard featuring, what else, snickerdoodle cookie dough and cinnamon sugar is the sole new offering on the DQ Fall Blizzard. While I may drop it to waivers for higher upside flavors, at least I have the phenomenal Pumpkin Pie and Oreo Hot Cocoa to comfort me post Le’veon Bell pick shower cry. Find out all the details about this respectable treat over at The Impulsive Buy and watch this Hard Mocks season preview to see how I got in appropriately dough-like shape for this fantasy football season. (more…)
If my wife had her way, our yard would be covered in the largest flock of plastic flamingos this side of a geriatric Floridian trailer park. Fortunately, I can soothe the gauche beast (love ya babe!) with Beef-A-Roo’s newest limited time summer offering, the Pink Flamingo Monster Shake. A strawberry flavored milkshake is blended with raspberry fruit chunks, topped with whipped cream, vanilla wafer cookies, pound cake and, be still my heart, a red velvet cake pop. Oh, and a mini plastic flamingo!
While the Blue Unicorn Monster Shake is mythically pretty, the Pink Flamingo is more impressive. It doesn’t embody the body of its namesake as the Blue Unicorn does. Of course when I mentioned it, my wife looked at me like I had told her Jar Jar Binks is a better character than Chewie—ymmv. Even if you don’t find yourself intently milkshake cloud gazing like me, we all know that taste is where the monster is made. I’m pleased to say that this is where the Pink Flamingo sets itself apart from its horned equine brethren.
Beef-A-Roo kindly sent me a gift card as I was underwhelmed with the Blue Unicorn, and its use in testing the Pink Flamingo was well spent. The strawberry dipped in whipped cream and shake base are predictably delicious. But who reads a review of a monster shake adorned with 15 kinds of man made sugar to find out how the whole fruit tastes? Sure as hell not me.
I was pleased to discover the sugar wafers were not soggy this time and complimented the shake swimmingly. It makes me wonder if I received cookies past their prime last time. Unfortunately, the main draw for me had me seeing red as the cake ball is a bit of a disappointment. It is by no means bad, but the coating is unremarkable and the red velvet cake itself is rather dry and somewhat muted in flavor. The ice cream provides needed moisture when dipped, but it doesn’t otherwise enhance the experience.
The other and much more substantial cake slices on the other hand save the day. For those in the audience that aren’t as slow on the uptake as yours truly, the pound cake married with the base and whipped cream perfectly capture strawberry shortcake in shake form. It is a stroke of monster mash-up genius.
The Pink Flamingo turns a simple concept into a unique, tacky plastic ornamented monstrous delight. While pricey at $6.99, pink is the color of love for this flamingo themed treat even if it didn’t make me break out into song like the Pink Donut cereal.
*I was provided a gift I used to purchase this shake after I was disappointed with the Blue Unicorn. It did not influence my review.
The Chomp: Beef-A-Roo Pink Flamingo Monster Shake ($6.99 for the smallest size)
Chompiness: 8 lawn loitering plastic avians out of 10
Unicorns aren’t monsters. No, that isn’t just me trying to placate my wife and stay out of the Cerberus house. Fortunately, it doesn’t take too much digging to uncover the origins of the monster moniker. Beef-a-roo’s summertime Blue Unicorn Monster Shake is described as “blue raspberry shake, confetti Krispie square, vanilla cupcake, sugar wafers, chopped tutti-frutti jolly ranchers, and magical pink whipped cream!” As the description and prettily painted pointy pony picture prove (take that Darkwing Duck!), it’s the implication that the shake itself is a unicorn, and you are the monster for eating it. I see King Haggard is now in the shake making business. Surprisingly there is no caffeine, so he must have left the… Red Bull at home.
The attempt to replicate an actual unicorn is on full display. This is the second ice cream treat I’ve eaten that seems to focus more on marketing than taste in as many weeks, but at least this one doesn’t taste like cough medicine. I’m at a loss as to why the body of this particular unicorn is blue—and a liquid for that matter. Maybe unicorns are in the same phylum as whatever sugar encrusted hell hole Cookie Monster’s ancestors crawled out from. Regardless, the bits and bobs are almost entirely a show pony—albeit a horned one. None of the individual elements making up the limbs do anything to enhance the flavor of the shake body. Coating them in blue blood is simply a waste of time and in some cases causes unpleasant sogginess.
The sugar wafer “ears” are mild and generic in taste and quickly become soggy, so hopefully unicorns also possess magical echolocation as I recommend devouring them first. For some reason, the horn consists of a square rice krispie treat and a mini-cupcake. I’ve never seen anything resembling that in the literature, but a unicornologist I am not. The cupcake is the best of the bunch, but it is fairly unremarkable beyond a buttery yellow cake and inoffensive frosting flavor. In a close second place finish, the rice krispie treat is fresh and appropriately chewy. The sprinkles don’t add any flavor, but the textural contrast is pleasant.
All of this sits atop the shake and a mane tasting of grocery store frosting complete with gritty chemical aftertaste. The jolly rancher bits serve as the equivalent of unicorn glitter after our blue bodied beauty treated herself to a day at the salon. Apparently, she wanted to look her best before being eaten. The “always wear clean underwear” mentality I guess. Regardless, they are neither tutti, nor frutti to my taste buds—an occasional watermelon flavor is the most that I can detect. Of course, that may be due to the unrelenting assault of the fifty other kinds of sugar murdering any hope of tasting anything beyond corn syrup and cane sugar ever again. The shake itself lacks complexity, and it isn’t as potent as one expects to find in something called a “monster” shake. I assume the idea is that the treats are dipped into the shake to compensate for this, but they are not complementary flavors. The blue raspberry is present, but again, probably hidden by the other elements competing for your taste buds attention.
If unicorn’s are made of magic, this shake fails to capture any of it. At 6.99, I simply can’t recommend it at the price… point.
The Chomp: Beef-A-Roo Blue Unicorn Monster Shake ($6.99 for the smallest size)
I never attended a summer camp, but if I had, you damn well know my Happy Meal slamming ass would have been at Camp Little Debbie. As a pictures worth a thousand words, this campfire diorama constructed from Little Debbie treats explains why I weighed 300 lbs. An edible clearing deep in the woods that that lies somewhere between a commercial and my wet dream.
As you may have surmised, this is less about reviewing any particular treat and more of an excuse to make bad jokes and show off the amazing work of Wildlife By Cyrene. These were done in 2017, and the only unique flavor was the S’mores Cake Rolls at the time. Feel free to scroll down if you are only interested in my review of them below. You won’t hurt my feelings. Really, I numb the pain of shame and self loathing with sugar and chocolate. 300 lbs. remember? Want proof? Here’s more silly food “art” in a delicious dinosaur themed pixel package.
Mowing through boxes of junk food is enough to fill my life with meaning. The kids on the boxes however seem to be too skinny and happy to rely solely on sugar fueled entertainment. What sort of activities is camp counselor Debbie leading?
Nutty Buddy Raft Building (I’d drown as my raft would be eaten halfway across the river).
Brownie Animal Track Identification ( I think even I could manage this one since these critters are born with their names on their feet).
S’more’s Log Fire-Starting (although the real competition is not eating your fire that is conveniently MADE of s’mores flavored cake).
Happy Camper Cake Logging (if tree’s were made of cake with creme filling sap and bark made of frosting, I’d make Paul Bunyan look like a tree hugger).
In 2017, Little Debbie had not sprinkled her delicious dust on the standard fare to create dark chocolate Nutty Buddys or the Strawberry Filled Cookies. Now that I know they exist, I’m in danger of working off some of my cake induced rolls as I beat feet to find them as soon as this is done.
Animal Tracks are just fudged iced Cosmic Brownie’s that have been trampled by wildlife and lost their sprinkles. One would think that might be a tad unsanitary, but if earthen tracks tasted this good my not so clever nickname would be Joe Dirt. They pack the moist fudgy, cocoaey and somewhat waxy but I don’t even carey, goodness I know and love. Despite their supposed rarity, our pack contained an entire Big Foot (Big Feet?) family.
The 2017 Happy Camper Cakes were simply yellow cake Christmas Trees painted green. I have to admit I was disappointed they weren’t the green red velvet Christmas Tree Cakes that are my personal favorite. Still, the yellow cake is as delicious as always, and I’m sure it’s true of the far more dull white shrubs in 2018.
S’mores Cake Rolls
It should come as no surprise that despite the clever packaging the only new flavor shown here is the S’mores Cake rolls. From my notes in 2017, it’s pretty straightforward. Let me ask you a few questions.
Do you love your s’mores but hate graham flavor?
Does ooey, gooey marshmallowey goodness get in your way?
Do melted milk chocolate fingers and a mustache ruin your experience?
Well then do I have news for you! Little Debbie S’mores Cake Rolls ditch everything that makes a s’more a s’more with a directly proportional taste. It takes the classic S’mores flavor and ignores most of the marshmallow, chocolate and all of the graham flavor that gets in the way of the campfire classic. That’s right, no longer will any of the 3 key flavors detract from your enjoyment of s’mores…
I am exaggerating a bit as these aren’t bad. The cake rolls are a little dryer than I like, and there is a bit of subtle s’mores flavor if your tongue squints really hard, but it is more of an after thought. Of course if your taste buds can squint, an underwhelming s’mores flavor is the least of your worries. You should probably put the cake roll down and see your doctor immediately.
If you are looking for a unique cake take on s’mores you are likely to be disappointed. But if you love Little Debbie cake rolls, and like the idea of a very mild s’mores flavor then you will be a happy… snacker! (Bet you didn’t see that twist coming).
The Chomp: Little Debbie Summer Camp S’mores Cake Rolls
Chompiness: 6 Inceptioned s’mores campfire logs out of 10