Not content to restrict my caffienated machinations to geting buzzed along with Buzz mochafied moo juice in my Cheerios, I’ve gone undercover. My first mission (and last as I’m going vegan!) has me ordering the Coffee Oreo Blizzard from the Dairy Queen “Secret Menu.” Found out more in my Oreo oration over at The Impulsive Buy.(more…)
Dairy Queen is coming at me with razor blades in candy apples this Fall. With both the season itself and Halloween topping the charts of their respective lists in my book, their Fall Blizzard Menu is threatening to turn me into the jolly old fat guy who goes boo, boo, boo. In addition to the Dipped Strawberry with Ghirardelli Blizzard pictured above, the classic Pumpkin Pie Blizzard, and delectable Oreo Hot Coca Blizzard return alongside the new Snickerdoodle Cookie Dough Blizzard. Combined with August’s lingering Reese’s Outrageous Blizzard, I have to remember not to wear orange to any parties, or I’ll end up with a fate worse than Charlie Browns.
The Snickerdoodle Cookie Dough Blizzard featuring, what else, snickerdoodle cookie dough and cinnamon sugar is the sole new offering on the DQ Fall Blizzard. While I may drop it to waivers for higher upside flavors, at least I have the phenomenal Pumpkin Pie and Oreo Hot Cocoa to comfort me post Le’veon Bell pick shower cry. Find out all the details about this respectable treat over at The Impulsive Buy and watch this Hard Mocks season preview to see how I got in appropriately dough-like shape for this fantasy football season. (more…)
If my wife had her way, our yard would be covered in the largest flock of plastic flamingos this side of a geriatric Floridian trailer park. Fortunately, I can soothe the gauche beast (love ya babe!) with Beef-A-Roo’s newest limited time summer offering, the Pink Flamingo Monster Shake. A strawberry flavored milkshake is blended with raspberry fruit chunks, topped with whipped cream, vanilla wafer cookies, pound cake and, be still my heart, a red velvet cake pop. Oh, and a mini plastic flamingo!
While the Blue Unicorn Monster Shake is mythically pretty, the Pink Flamingo is more impressive. It doesn’t embody the body of its namesake as the Blue Unicorn does. Of course when I mentioned it, my wife looked at me like I had told her Jar Jar Binks is a better character than Chewie—ymmv. Even if you don’t find yourself intently milkshake cloud gazing like me, we all know that taste is where the monster is made. I’m pleased to say that this is where the Pink Flamingo sets itself apart from its horned equine brethren.
Beef-A-Roo kindly sent me a gift card as I was underwhelmed with the Blue Unicorn, and its use in testing the Pink Flamingo was well spent. The strawberry dipped in whipped cream and shake base are predictably delicious. But who reads a review of a monster shake adorned with 15 kinds of man made sugar to find out how the whole fruit tastes? Sure as hell not me.
I was pleased to discover the sugar wafers were not soggy this time and complimented the shake swimmingly. It makes me wonder if I received cookies past their prime last time. Unfortunately, the main draw for me had me seeing red as the cake ball is a bit of a disappointment. It is by no means bad, but the coating is unremarkable and the red velvet cake itself is rather dry and somewhat muted in flavor. The ice cream provides needed moisture when dipped, but it doesn’t otherwise enhance the experience.
The other and much more substantial cake slices on the other hand save the day. For those in the audience that aren’t as slow on the uptake as yours truly, the pound cake married with the base and whipped cream perfectly capture strawberry shortcake in shake form. It is a stroke of monster mash-up genius.
The Pink Flamingo turns a simple concept into a unique, tacky plastic ornamented monstrous delight. While pricey at $6.99, pink is the color of love for this flamingo themed treat even if it didn’t make me break out into song like the Pink Donut cereal.
*I was provided a gift I used to purchase this shake after I was disappointed with the Blue Unicorn. It did not influence my review.
The Chomp: Beef-A-Roo Pink Flamingo Monster Shake ($6.99 for the smallest size)
Chompiness: 8 lawn loitering plastic avians out of 10
Blue Unicorn Monster Shake
Unicorns aren’t monsters. No, that isn’t just me trying to placate my wife and stay out of the Cerberus house. Fortunately, it doesn’t take too much digging to uncover the origins of the monster moniker. Beef-a-roo’s summertime Blue Unicorn Monster Shake is described as “blue raspberry shake, confetti Krispie square, vanilla cupcake, sugar wafers, chopped tutti-frutti jolly ranchers, and magical pink whipped cream!” As the description and prettily painted pointy pony picture prove (take that Darkwing Duck!), it’s the implication that the shake itself is a unicorn, and you are the monster for eating it. I see King Haggard is now in the shake making business. Surprisingly there is no caffeine, so he must have left the… Red Bull at home.
The attempt to replicate an actual unicorn is on full display. This is the second ice cream treat I’ve eaten that seems to focus more on marketing than taste in as many weeks, but at least this one doesn’t taste like cough medicine. I’m at a loss as to why the body of this particular unicorn is blue—and a liquid for that matter. Maybe unicorns are in the same phylum as whatever sugar encrusted hell hole Cookie Monster’s ancestors crawled out from. Regardless, the bits and bobs are almost entirely a show pony—albeit a horned one. None of the individual elements making up the limbs do anything to enhance the flavor of the shake body. Coating them in blue blood is simply a waste of time and in some cases causes unpleasant sogginess.
The sugar wafer “ears” are mild and generic in taste and quickly become soggy, so hopefully unicorns also possess magical echolocation as I recommend devouring them first. For some reason, the horn consists of a square rice krispie treat and a mini-cupcake. I’ve never seen anything resembling that in the literature, but a unicornologist I am not. The cupcake is the best of the bunch, but it is fairly unremarkable beyond a buttery yellow cake and inoffensive frosting flavor. In a close second place finish, the rice krispie treat is fresh and appropriately chewy. The sprinkles don’t add any flavor, but the textural contrast is pleasant.
All of this sits atop the shake and a mane tasting of grocery store frosting complete with gritty chemical aftertaste. The jolly rancher bits serve as the equivalent of unicorn glitter after our blue bodied beauty treated herself to a day at the salon. Apparently, she wanted to look her best before being eaten. The “always wear clean underwear” mentality I guess. Regardless, they are neither tutti, nor frutti to my taste buds—an occasional watermelon flavor is the most that I can detect. Of course, that may be due to the unrelenting assault of the fifty other kinds of sugar murdering any hope of tasting anything beyond corn syrup and cane sugar ever again. The shake itself lacks complexity, and it isn’t as potent as one expects to find in something called a “monster” shake. I assume the idea is that the treats are dipped into the shake to compensate for this, but they are not complementary flavors. The blue raspberry is present, but again, probably hidden by the other elements competing for your taste buds attention.
If unicorn’s are made of magic, this shake fails to capture any of it. At 6.99, I simply can’t recommend it at the price… point.
The Chomp: Beef-A-Roo Blue Unicorn Monster Shake ($6.99 for the smallest size)
Chompiness: 5 alliterating alicorns out of 10