Little Debbie Summer Camp S’mores Snack Cake: REVIEW

Camp Little Debbie Snacks

Little Debbie Brownie and Cake Rolls Camp snacks

I never attended a summer camp, but if I had, you damn well know my Happy Meal slamming ass would have been at Camp Little Debbie. As a pictures worth a thousand words, this campfire diorama constructed from Little Debbie treats explains why I weighed 300 lbs. An edible clearing deep in the woods that that lies somewhere between a commercial and my wet dream.

Little Debbie Brownie and Cake Rolls Camping Nutty Buddy
It’s safe to say that if Camp Little Debbie existed, I would be pitching a permanent tent…

As you may have surmised, this is less about reviewing any particular treat and more of an excuse to make bad jokes and show off the amazing work of Wildlife By Cyrene. These were done in 2017, and the only unique flavor was the S’mores Cake Rolls at the time. Feel free to scroll down if you are only interested in my review of them below. You won’t hurt my feelings. Really, I numb the pain of shame and self loathing with sugar and chocolate. 300 lbs. remember? Want proof? Here’s more silly food “art” in a delicious dinosaur themed pixel package.

Mowing through boxes of junk food is enough to fill my life with meaning. The kids on the boxes however seem to be too skinny and happy to rely solely on sugar fueled entertainment. What sort of activities is camp counselor Debbie leading?

  • Nutty Buddy Raft Building (I’d drown as my raft would be eaten halfway across the river).
  • Brownie Animal Track Identification ( I think even I could manage this one since these critters are born with their names on their feet).
  • S’more’s Log Fire-Starting (although the real competition is not eating your fire that is conveniently MADE of s’mores flavored cake).
  • Happy Camper Cake Logging (if tree’s were made of cake with creme filling sap and bark made of frosting, I’d make Paul Bunyan look like a tree hugger).

In 2017, Little Debbie had not sprinkled her delicious dust on the standard fare to create dark chocolate Nutty Buddys or the Strawberry Filled Cookies. Now that I know they exist, I’m in danger of working off some of my cake induced rolls as I beat feet to find them as soon as this is done.

Little Debbie Brownie and Cake Rolls Camping Animal Tracks
I think for dirt made of brownies we’ll call it a 5 hour rule.

Animal Tracks are just fudged iced Cosmic Brownie’s that have been trampled by wildlife and lost their sprinkles. One would think that might be a tad unsanitary, but if earthen tracks tasted this good my not so clever nickname would be Joe Dirt. They pack the moist fudgy, cocoaey and somewhat waxy but I don’t even carey, goodness I know and love. Despite their supposed rarity, our pack contained an entire Big Foot (Big Feet?) family.

Little Debbie Brownie and Cake Rolls Happy Camper
Aliens love a Big Foot made of brownies too it seems.

The 2017 Happy Camper Cakes were simply yellow cake Christmas Trees painted green. I have to admit I was disappointed they weren’t the green red velvet Christmas Tree Cakes that are my personal favorite. Still, the yellow cake is as delicious as always, and I’m sure it’s true of the far more dull white shrubs in 2018.

S’mores Cake Rolls

Little Debbie Brownie and Cake Rolls S'mores Campfire

It should come as no surprise that despite the clever packaging the only new flavor shown here is the S’mores Cake rolls. From my notes in 2017, it’s pretty straightforward. Let me ask you a few questions.

Do you love your s’mores but hate graham flavor?

Does ooey, gooey marshmallowey goodness get in your way?

Do melted milk chocolate fingers and a mustache ruin your experience?

Well then do I have news for you! Little Debbie S’mores Cake Rolls ditch everything that makes a s’more a s’more with a directly proportional taste. It takes the classic S’mores flavor and ignores most of the marshmallow, chocolate and all of the graham flavor that gets in the way of the campfire classic. That’s right, no longer will any of the 3 key flavors detract from your enjoyment of s’mores…

Little Debbie Brownie and Cake Rolls Camping S'mores Cake Rolls Campfire

I am exaggerating a bit as these aren’t bad. The cake rolls are a little dryer than I like, and there is a bit of  subtle s’mores flavor if your tongue squints really hard, but it is more of an after thought. Of course if your taste buds can squint, an underwhelming s’mores flavor is the least of your worries. You should probably put the cake roll down and see your doctor immediately.

If you are looking for a unique cake take on s’mores you are likely to be disappointed. But if you love Little Debbie cake rolls, and like the idea of a very mild s’mores flavor then you will be a happy… snacker! (Bet you didn’t see that twist coming).


The Chomp: Little Debbie Summer Camp S’mores Cake Rolls

Chompiness: 6 Inceptioned s’mores campfire logs out of 10

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Quick Review: Dairy Queen S’mores Blizzard

Dairy Queen S’mores Blizzard

Dairy Queen S'mores Blizzard
There’s graham in them thar’ blizzards!

If you are anything like me and your s’more making often devolves from this:

Dairy Queen S'mores Blizzard
If he had a DQ S’mores Blizzard on the end of that stick he’d be a lot happier.

 

to something a little more like thisthis:

 

Dairy Queen S'mores Blizzard
#F*ckmylife

in the blink of a flaming marshmallow, DQ has you covered.  While the Summer Berry Cheesecake didn’t make me cheese, I did cotton to the Cotton Candy. I’m also chomping to sink my teeth into the phenomenal Jurassic Comp Blizzard again, but the returning S’mores is the May Blizzard of the Month (and Summer Blizzard Menu treat) has me begging for s’more too. Marshmallow filled chocolates and graham pieces in a rarely seen graham flavored ice cream base are grahamtastic. I have a hard time picturing how one could better capture the essence of a s’more in ice cream form. Find out s’more (sorry, I’ll stop now) about Santa’s camp(ice?) treat over at The Impulsive Buy. (more…)

Dairy Queen Summer Blizzard Menu

Summer Blizzard Menu

I really can’t complain about my job. There are few things better than being a staff writer whose job description is “write funny stuff about new Dairy Queen ice cream.” Well, in my case the funny is optional. Still, Dairy Queen must love me because they are making my job even more dairy delightful with their Summery Blizzard Menu. I sacrificed my 6 pack to bring you a 4-pack of reviews. You can find the complete reviews over at The Impulsive Buy.

Jurassic Chomp: Not surprisingly fantastic in my book as 3 of my packs are, in fact, made of peanut butter, chocolate, and ice cream.

The only dud among the group is the Summer Berry Cheesecake, and it’s still decent.

Dairy Queen Summer Berry Cheesecake Blizzard Treat
At least its berry pretty

 

The Cotton Candy sucker punches your sweet tooth.

Cotton Candy Blizzard
Do they make cotton vegetables…

Jurassic Chomp packs enough peanut butter and chocolate to choke a PMS’ing T-Rex.

Dairy Queen Jurassic Chomp Blizzard
3 of my packs are, in fact, made of peanut butter, chocolate, and ice cream.

S’mores will spare more than one marshmellon from burned burned at the stick this summer.

Dairy Queen S'mores Blizzard
There’s graham in them thar’ blizzards!

 

 

In closing, I love my job.

Dairy Queen Summer Blizzard Menu

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Review: Oreo Peeps 2017 vs. 2018 Comparison

Nabisco Oreo Peeps

Oreo Peeps Package
Purple Peepsle Eater

I’ve always enjoyed Peeps for the marshmallowy sugar bomb that they are.  If it’s adorable, it can’t be bad for you right? In either baby chick or bunny form, there isn’t anything cuter that’s 81% sugar by weight. Of course in my bat infested belfry, it’s the nightmare fuel they become when irradiated that really makes these a uniquely enjoyable treat. Their Cthulian transformation from candy kawaii into a horrifying blob of liquified marshmallon viscera after a few seconds in the microwave is morbidly fascinating. Unfortunately, none of that is applicable to the Oreoified Oreo Peeps version of them.

Oreo Peeps Purple Factory
Two Peeps One Cookie

 

Returning this year, Peeps: The Next Generation integrate bas-relief carvings of Bugs and Daffy unlike 2017’s spin. Also, while the Oreoginal Series Oreo Peeps cookie sandwiched a neon pink creme between golden wafers, 2018’s Orenterprise-D has gone to the dark side with a chocolate wafer and purple creme. Tenuous portmanteaus and inappropriately mixed scifi properties aside, not so inquiring minds want to know, has the taste changed? Unearthing a package of 2017’s pink and gold Oreo Peeps from the back of the freezer, I conducted a bit of my kind of science, the fatty kind, and tried one of each.

 

Some will be thrilled to learn that these are indeed a different cookie beyond the simple change in wafer. Although the brilliant touch of sugary grit is still present, the Purple Peeps factory churns out a much more mellow and less harsh creme o’ mallow. Perhaps some of the edge is taken off by the more bitter chocolate wafer, but a less acrid cookie sort of defeats the premise of an Oreo Peeps. That should please most people who don’t like Peeps, but if you don’t like avian shaped marshmallow to begin with, why buy these? The golden wafered neon pink treat is more authentic to the Walter White-esque chemical laden party in your mouth that animalistic marshmallow treats are in their Pink Sky form.

 

Look, no one has ever eaten a Peep with knife and fork, pinky out, while adopting a pretentious British accent as they drone on about its sophisticated and subtle flavor profile. This is ‘Merca damn it, and I want to taste the chemical cocktail as it garrotes my violently thrashing taste buds like a Dexter guest star. In the end if you don’t like Peeps, you’ll probably be more into 2018 Right Peeps Oreo factory take but still not fall in love. If you liked the Left Factory’s golden Oreo Peeps, then you won’t like the new one’s as much, but they are still enjoyable. Either way, this is a peep show I’m into.

Chomp Factor:

Purple Peep’s Factory Chompiness: 7 Jedi-Klingon’s out of 10

 

Yellow Peep’s Factory Chompiness: 8 R2-Data’s out of 10 (more…)

Review: Cinnamon Vanilla Lucky Charms

Cinnamon Vanilla Lucky Charms

Cinnamon Vanilla Lucky Charms Box Art
I don’t know if these will be any good, Lucky’s looking a little flaky…

I may not love snow in reality, but the fantastical flakes Lucky uses to season his bowl of magically delicious goodies are a welcome sugary snow storm. Limited Edition Cinnamon Vanilla Lucky Charms are described as frosted cinnamon oat cereal with marshmallows. The marketing of this limited edition cereal is top notch as the winter wonderland depicted creates an inviting box. Kids gleefully play on snow covered hills beneath a rainbow bedecked sky while Lucky conducts a labor of love in producing snowman. All is not well in Luckyvale though as the man behind the curtain is revealed when taking a more than superficial look at this “wonderland”. We’ll revisit that in a moment, but how does the main dish fare?

Cinnamon Vanilla Lucky Charms Box Art
So are snowflakes embryonic snow people?

Cinnamon Vanilla Lucky Charms is not wildly different from the tried and true original. The cinnamon is barely detectable despite top billing, but the vanilla is more potent and adds a warm tone to every bite that works to create an almost creamy quality with the top o’ the class marbits. Original Lucky Charms are definitely a classic, but the flavor is fairly straightforward with oats and marshmallow fueled sugar. The addition of the vanilla and, unfortunately only mild, cinnamon create a more complex and enjoyable overall flavor for my pot o’ gold. A little bit of a heavier hand with the cinnamon spice would have been nice, but at the end of the day if you put OG Lucky Charms and the new Cinnamon Vanilla Lucky Charms in front of me, I’ll take the new holiday flavor 9 times out of 10. While perhaps not a revelatory experience, this holiday edition flavor is a welcome treat for the eyes and the mouth.

Now onto the clown in the sewer that is the nightmare fuel of this seemingly innocent box art. It appears safe enough at a glance. Lucky and some lucky kids are enjoying a day frolicking in the snow with a little leprechaun magic to bring their snow forged golems to life to play alongside them. What’s could be more wholesome?

Let’s take a look at the activities.

Cinnamon Vanilla Lucky Charms Back of Box Art Kids
Hell’s ski-lodge…

First up, match the scarves. Sure, color coordinating with your frozen flaked friend sounds like family friendly fun.

Alright, next Lucky tells us a “hilarious” joke?

“If snowmen can’t take baths how do they keep clean? Snow showers!”…

Better leave the jokes to the bloggers who professionally suck at them Lucky.

So far so good, what’s the last activity? Oh! Lucky wants you to help him find the pieces he needs to bring his final snowman to life.

Roger that. Let’s see, there are the 3 buttons… and there’s the four-leaf clover needed to work some holiday magic.

Just need to find the two ey… holy mother of monsters what is that little girl doing with those eyes?!

Cinnamon Vanilla Lucky Charms Back of Box Art Girl Juggling Eyeballs
This is one Girl Scout who you do not want to stiff.

These aren’t the cute coal constructs of your standard snowman, “Lilith” as we’ll call her is juggling snowballs mixed with human eyeballs! Please return your seatbacks to their full upright and locked position.

Lucky the leprechaun has apparently been taking cues from his Warwick Davis counterpart while also enlisting the aid of the Children of The Corn. Examine the scene closer and the children are tormenting their supposed friends, playing keep away with their body parts or outright trying to murder them with a sled. All the while our Irish Jigsaw uses the viscera of his victims to work his dark magic and create snow fiends having apparently read Attack of the Deranged Mutant Killer Monster Snow Goons one to many times. There’s even a sick snowy rendition of the headless horseman!

Cinnamon Vanilla Lucky Charms Back of Box Art Girl Snowman Headless Horseman
That snowman seems to be getting a head of the game.

What began as a scene of wonder and merriment has become a macabre Frankensteinien nightmare by using human body parts to provide the catalyst for some unholy leprechaun blood magic.

To what end?

A look at the bottom of the box reveals the horrific truth. Lucky is animating these snowmen from corpses and turning them into marbits. That’s right, Lucky Charms is people! Lucky the leprechaun has turned to blood magic and become the Walter White of the cereal aisle just to push a few more boxes of his “Rainbow Sky” Marshmeth.

Magically Delicious indeed.

 

Cinnamon Vanilla Lucky Charms Back of Box Art Girl Snowman Sled
I’m going to guess that kid is not lining up for a Frosty the Snowman autograph.

 

 


 

Chompee: Cinnamon Vanilla Lucky Charms

Chompiness: 8.5 macabre Marshmeth Marbits out of 10

 

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