Review: Quisp Cereal and Where to Buy

Quisp Cereal

 

Quisp Cereal Box Front
Where’s the mule that kicked him in the face?

 

For those not in the know, Quisp is the Rocky Horror Picture Show of the breakfast aisle. One of my personal favorite shows, the fantastic Cereal Time TV, provides a succinct but entertaining history in this Quisp (1965) video. It’s not just Gabe, the hero of cerOeal ) singing the praises of a real life cerealized take on evil Orville Redenbacher’s space corn though. I know that was awful, bbbuuuttt I’mmmmm leavingggggg it! Quisp is consistently topping cereal rankings such as mrbreakfast.com’s 100 All-Time Greatest Breakfast Cereals.

Once discontinued, Quisp has been resurrected as an internet cereal with an extremely limited and sporadic physical release in stores. Fortunately, this mythic ambrosia isn’t that hard to get your hands on anymore even if the price tag makes it feel like it’s imported from the Quisp homeworld.

I had to know what all the fuss was about, so I snapped my fingers and John De Lancie’d myself a box from Walmart.com. Was it the greatest thing since Drew Scanlon set the memeosphere ablaze?

Drew Scanlon Blinking
Yes and No

 

Quisp is a great cereal. In fact, Quisp’s taste would make it one of my favorite cereals. The problem is, it’s a cereal I’ve eaten and loved before… 

 

Not coincidentally, also from Quaker. Wait… was the Cap’n abducted by aliens?!

 

As you’re reading a review for a cult breakfast cereal from a guy that is so painfully unfunny it’s actually kinda funny (not really), I’ll spare you rambling detail because:

1. You’re familiar if not also a fan of Cap’n Crunch and                                                     

C. I feel sorry for you that you’re here doing this instead of doing something more productive like sweeping sunshine… on the interior of a Dyson Sphere.

Quisp Cereal Bowl
No milk, so my cereal stayed… quispy

Basically, buttery coconut oil flavored oat and corn treasure chests are swapped for buttery coconut oil flavored oat and corn saucers. They seem to be a bit less rough on the roof, but frankly, that’s never been a problem for me to begin with. Maybe I’m just channeling my inner Wario and fighting through the pain to get at the gold.

               I’ma gonna love gooooold!

 

Again, I’m not complaining about the taste of this cereal. It’s just not so boldly going where the good Cap’n has most certainly gone before, met a glib omnipotent alien, and adopted an orphan tribble… and named it Polly. That said, Quisp might have the greatest back of the box comic strip I’ve ever seen. It doesn’t include any nightmare fuel vistas of a snowman charnel house like Cinnamon Vanilla Lucky Charms, but it does have enough bad puns to make me blush. 

 

Breakfast cereal formula anal probe abductions aside, not much more need be said.

This is good.

This is expensive.

This is Cap’n Crunch in a different form factor.

Quisp Cereal Back of Box
It even looks like a Borg Cube!

Taste: 8.5 intergalatic pirates out of 10… but basically just Cap’n Crunch and not worth Trump’s efforts to prop up domestically produced pirate booty via initiating a trade war by imposing Planet Q cereal tariffs. The box, however, is worth every… punny.

 

Box art: Punniest thing I’ve seen this side of Punnsylvania. “Dino Sore” is worth the price of admission alone. (more…)

Tulo Mattress Review (Updated)

Tulo Mattress Review Wario

Tulo Mattress Review

(One Month Later)

So 2 fortnights later (is that a castlenight?) and with a fat little winged kid cosplaying a magical Katniss upon us, how does the Tulo mattress fare? I’m pleased to report that I’m a happy… not a camper? Maybe an indoor, sleep on a bedder? Let’s go with that and move along shall we.

Point is, I have no complaints. I can’t comment on longevity at this point of course, but my experience thus far is nothing but Tulific. The mattress itself seemingly has a little more “give” where I sleep, and it is firm without placing pressure on any one point. That is key, because my Planet Coaster suited complaint with my old mattress was the pain in my back and shoulders oft experienced in the morning.

After only a dull ache the first couple of nights on the Tulo mattress (my body slowly recovering from the torture I was inflicting on it) I have noticed no discomfort or pain, and I am sleeping better than Mario after force feeding Wart a salad. On the occasions where I have awoken at night, I am able to quickly rejoin my heavenly slumber of Kripsy Kreme foliage lining roads paved with Kit Kat bricks (don’t judge me, it’s my dream, and I’ll be as fat as I want too).

That said, while the softest mattress was the right choice for me—ymmv. Along with the obnoxious, bone chilling cold that comes with a low body fat, I also don’t need much support from my mattress. Take my opinion with a Death Star trash compactor full of salt. If you are normal person who doesn’t track their macros with the same obsession that Mr. Krabbs’ reviews his 401K, you may have a different experience with “sink-in-toage.”

While I don’t have much to draw from for comparisons sake, I’m pleased with my purchase— especially considering the low price point. I can’t compare it to other memory foam products, but the Tulo is doing the trick for me without a hefty price tag. If you a curious about their layers, cover and a few other things have a look at Tulo bed overview hereNow if you’ll excuse me, those Original Glazed daisies won’t eat themselves.

 

Original Review:

 

When I envisioned this site, I did not expect to ever write a Tulo mattress review (for which I was not paid or compensated in any way). But in the end, I’m really just here to make very punny (wink, wink) jokes.

 

Stupid first is my motto! Wait…

 

Soooo, back to the topic at teeth (or would it be chain? Candivorous Rex doesn’t have hands after all), there is not a lot of information on the relatively new Tulo mattress, but what is available is intriguing — An affordable bed in a box with firmness options that one can physically try in stores.

 

I hesitated to grab a bed in the box in the past despite the appealing alliteration because I couldn’t put one through its paces before committing. Despite being reluctant to set Kuribo’s Shoe in a mattress store, the little Sith and I made some extra time before her third viewing of The Last Jedi to check it out.

 

So, I was off to Mattress Firm to see if I liked it when counting make believe Mario’s– or maybe just those adorable sombrero sporting sheep in Odyssey. The salesman who was also the manager did his best Peanut’s adult impersonation with his spiel, but overall, he was helpful and not annoying. I considered grabbing the bed from the store, but it was not in stock and they wanted to charge for delivery. Combined with a coupon code for a free frame from Tulo which Mattress Firm did not offer– online ordering was the way to go. A comfy cloud loving lakitu at heart, I warp whistled my way to a soft full-size mattress that I received yesterday.

 

The free Tulo Mattress Base that I was promised was back ordered, but they made good with a frame and box spring so it was all marvelous in the Mushroom Kingdom. Communication with regards to delivery was excellent and they kept me abreast of updates along with a two-hour window for delivery– including notification it would arrive a little ahead of schedule.

 

Often the general public likes to feign ignorance at how awestruck they are by my mere presence, but that has apparently changed my friends. Everyone reading this already knows of course, but…

Tulo Mattress Review Big Deal

 

You see, the delivery people literally rolled out a red carpet for me at my own home. The world is finally ready for me to claim the Plastic Throne. The seat of power for my benevolent dictatorship, forged from molten light gun zappers that slew a thousand digital ducks and N64 analog sticks that flayed flesh and blood palms (seriously, the palm of my hand still looks like I need a skin graft twenty years later– thanks Mario Party!).

 

Either that, or the whole carpet thing is a marketing gimmick to get people to Twit about it on Instabook, but I’m going to apply Occam’s razor and go with the former.

A simple matter of removing it from the box, cutting a bit of plastic and unrolling, setup was quicker than the Kessel Run, taking about 10 minutes. The Tulo mattress immediately began to inflate, and I was pleased no off gassing that would put Wario’s odiferousness to shame was present– even for my wife’s Super Sniffer.

Tulo Mattress Review Gorn Fight
Motion isolation was a selling point for my spouse as if a Gorn tries to murder me in my sleep, she can still wake rested!

There were no directions for how long to wait before using the mattress, but I left it alone for about 7 hours before bed. I was prompted to look into a mattress in the first place due to back and shoulder pain in the mornings along with general unrest at night, all of which had been occurring more and more frequently. It may take some time for the foam to form to my fit form, but anecdotally, I feel like I slept better despite waking a few times. The Tulo isn’t expected to be a cure all for my sleep issues, but my first night was better than what came before at least.

 

As Tulo indicates a break-in period may be necessary, I have 120 days to have them collect the mattress and receive a full refund. I intend to update this post as time goes by to share what I think, so if you are in the market or just want to see some more of my special brand of stupid, stay tuned.

 

Oh, and regardless of what I think in the end, the best Mario character ever seems to enjoy the new mattress…

Tulo Mattress Review Wario
He also likes zaving ze money.

(more…)