‘Oh Yeah!’ Trump’s Border Wall Threatened by Tangy Terrorist


April 21st 249 .beats

Washington D.C—White House

The Trump administration is labeling a little known nor understood creature as the most serious risk to national security today. The problem, sources say, is his dedication to defeating the pinnacle of United States defense technology—what some call Trump’s ‘Great Wall.’

Dubbed Operation Yello, the president is vowing to eliminate the danger to what he says is a much needed barrier against pernicious border security threats. The envisioned wall is billed as a roughly 2,000 mile state of the art safeguard that will ostensibly prevent terrorist operations on US soil. As the sole threat capable of penetrating the ultimate of defensive structures, it is no surprise that the mysterious figure known as ‘K-Man’ has been labeled public enemy number one.

Trump’s latest tweet storm sheds light on to his priorities:

“I’m going to keep America safe from the real threats!”

“Climate change? Wear a coat! Hackers? Read a book!”

“Fake news from loser and haters. The real threat is the lazy, poor brown people who want to steal our jobs, and our women!”

“We’ll use the biggest guns—huge guns, the best guns— to hunt down this terrorist, and then I’ll build the most humongous wall—the best wall that’s ever been built. No one else has ever built a wall like this, how could it possibly fail?”

Next Week:
Is the Prez eating Pez or is his “Great Wall”  the only thing he’s erecting? Trump spied popping blue “candy” at easter egg hunt.


Former Home Improvement Television Show Star Refuses to do Housework. Demands Wife Pay to Build Fence in Backyard After Insomnia Fueled ‘The Apprentice’ Binge.


1/27/19 2:59pm

MICHIGAN—The former host of a Michigan based home improvement show is taking offense at the lack of a fence in his backyard. After a recent move has reportedly left him fenceless, he has been a changed man says an anonymous source. “He used the fence as a sort confessional booth with his neighbor obscured from view behind it acting as his on-demand priest.”

Friends and family say this has apparently lead to worsening mental health for the man who is now suffering from insomnia. “He just lays on the couch watching reruns of ‘The Apprentice’ at night. He walks around in a daze muttering about ‘making them pay for it’ as he stares out of his dining room into the backyard.” At times, he appears catatonic, according to some, capable of nothing beyond uttering unintelligible guttural noises. Others say that is normal behavior for him.

The man’s wife has stated he has refused to do the dishes or any other housework until she gives him the money to build what he calls his ‘great wall.’ “I’m not stopping him” she’s told friends. “He has access to the credit cards and can build it himself.” Reportedly, she views this as a “blessing in disguise” as she says everything he touches either explodes or catches on fire and then explodes.

Still, friends say his wife is very concerned. “He’s suffering from dissociative identity disorder” says one source. “He’s calling himself, William ‘The Wall Man’ Wallace. He walks up to people and asks them if they know what time it is before shouting ‘Wall Time’ and walking away. Every conversation with him is about how he’s ‘going to build a great, great wall’ and that ‘no one builds a wall with more power than him’.” The family has requested privacy while they help the man deal with this almost total shutdown.


Review: Hot & Spicy Cinnamon Oreo and Chocolate Hazelnut Oreo


Hot & Spicy Cinnamon Oreo / Chocolate Hazelnut Oreo Nutella Red HotNew Hot & Spicy Cinnamon Oreos and Chocolate Hazelnut Oreos. Wow, was I underwhelmed.
Suprisingly, the red-hot in all but name was the better of the two, tasting exactly as I imagined it would. A sweet red hot creme between two chocolate Oreos. Not my speed, but I can see where others would enjoy it.

The chocolate hazelnut is also as described, if you like your Nutella to taste as artificial as Trump’s hair. Nothing worked for me here, not the filling nor the choice of golden Oreo wafer to pair with it.

Chompee: Hot & Spicy Cinnamon Oreo / Chocolate Hazelnut Oreo
Chompiness: While the red hots are ok, I’ll take a regular Oreo over them every time. The chocolate hazelnut on the other hand tastes like Nabisco tried to make a Nutella Oreo but sourced the creme from a flea market in Tijuana with jars of “Fautlla” that were tucked between “Folex’s” and “Foakley’s.” In the end, I will build a great, great wall between my mouth and these Oreos and Nabisco will pay for it.

Quick Review: Baskin Robbins Tiramisu Ice Cream

Baskin Robbins Tiramisu Ice Cream

Baskin Robbins Tiramisu

Do you wash your morning cup of Joe down with an espresso chaser? Then you’ll want to check out November’s flavor of the Month as the coffee flavor exercises as much subtlety as Trump’s Twitter account. How do the rest of the Tiramisu elements work, and what the hell do either have to do with Bikini Bottom and plumbers that wield possessed hats? Not much really aside from a couple of lame jokes, but read my review over at The Impulsive Buy if you’re short on your eye roll quota for the day.