Game of Thrones Finale: I Kissed My Aunt, and I liked It.

My what big wings you have

Thar Be Dragons (and SPOILERS) below:

Before we say goodbye To Game of Thrones, I am curious what left people a pile of molten valyrian steel, and what left you as cold as the Night King’s heart.

Personally, I wasn’t entirely satisfied. Not because of how things ended, but how we got there. I feel the character development and dialog declined significantly post books and someone was hammering on the fast forward plot button.

Setting nitpicks aside:

Fire:

  • The foreboding tone set at the beginning with General Hux’s, I mean Dany’s speech
  • Jon’s actions and fate
  • Small Council scene
  • Sansa shutting her uncle down
  • Brienne’s appointment and completion of Jamie’s entry and Podrick’s promotion
  • Drogon’s mourning and actions
  • Way the “wheel was broken” establishing an elective monarchy
  • The idea of Dany Breaking Bad

Ice:

  • Never bought Jon and Dany’s love story. No development or room to breathe
  • Execution of Darth Dany’s turn to the darkside
  • Nobles supporting Bran’s election to the throne out of nowhere and with no discussion. Maybe he warged into all of them.

Overall, I’m fairly dissatisfied with everything but the major plot points this season and most of last season. Funny that, that is the only part that really came from Martin. 😉

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Showrunners Reveal How the Internet Wrote Game of Thrones’ Eighth Season

Entertainment

May 13th 743 .beats

Game of Thrones Logo

New York—New York

Much has been made recently over what some claim is uneven writing for HBO’s hit Game of Thrones Season 8. In a stunning revelation, showrunners David Benioff and D.B. Weiss have revealed how HBO was able to afford Season 8 of the show—firing the writers. “With a budget coming in over $90 million, or roughly $15M per episode, savings had to come from somewhere” says Weiss and Benioff. “That’s why we personally oversaw a brilliant new A.I. routine that automates script writing by scouring the internet for only the best fan created works.”

This has added fuel to the fire of critics who have described the writing as lazy, awkward and completely incongruous with the characters they know and love. One incensed commenter likened the season 8 story to “the thrid wish of a fanfic author who rubbed a genie’s lamp.” Weiss and Benioff take such complaints personally and have called such hyperbolic statements preposterous.

“We have taken the utmost care with the characters and world that Martin breathed life into. The deep, complex tapestry he has woven is what makes the show so compelling” says the duo. The two have tried to allay fan fears by shedding some light into how the insight into how the automated script writing works. “Thousands of sites are crawled with a heavy emphasis placed on the cornerstone of some of the world’s greatest centers of ideation and culture—like Reddit and YouTube. Even comments left on DeviantArt works are captured, it’s very robust!”

The pair note that the technology is proven by pointing to the greenlight to utilize it on their next project—an untitled Star Wars trilogy. “Clearly the high standards and much beloved stories that all of the Star Wars spin-offs have met point to the tech being proven out.”

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‘Oh Yeah!’ Trump’s Border Wall Threatened by Tangy Terrorist

Politics

April 21st 249 .beats

Washington D.C—White House

The Trump administration is labeling a little known nor understood creature as the most serious risk to national security today. The problem, sources say, is his dedication to defeating the pinnacle of United States defense technology—what some call Trump’s ‘Great Wall.’

Dubbed Operation Yello, the president is vowing to eliminate the danger to what he says is a much needed barrier against pernicious border security threats. The envisioned wall is billed as a roughly 2,000 mile state of the art safeguard that will ostensibly prevent terrorist operations on US soil. As the sole threat capable of penetrating the ultimate of defensive structures, it is no surprise that the mysterious figure known as ‘K-Man’ has been labeled public enemy number one.

Trump’s latest tweet storm sheds light on to his priorities:

“I’m going to keep America safe from the real threats!”

“Climate change? Wear a coat! Hackers? Read a book!”

“Fake news from loser and haters. The real threat is the lazy, poor brown people who want to steal our jobs, and our women!”

“We’ll use the biggest guns—huge guns, the best guns— to hunt down this terrorist, and then I’ll build the most humongous wall—the best wall that’s ever been built. No one else has ever built a wall like this, how could it possibly fail?”


Next Week:
Is the Prez eating Pez or is his “Great Wall”  the only thing he’s erecting? Trump spied popping blue “candy” at easter egg hunt.

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THQ Nordic’s Phillipp Brock Wins Nobel Peace Prize for 8chan AMA

Politics

March 5th 2019 9:36pm

Nobel Peace Prize Award
Image courtesy of Gusme

STOCKHOLM—THQ Nordic PR and Marketing Director Phillipp Brock was awarded the Nobel prize today for his actions to expose and abolish hate crimes and the sexual exploitation of minors.

Brock lulled users into a false sense of confidence by playing along with an AMA he held on the controversial imageboard 8chan. “Maintaining the guise of a morally bankrupt, despicable corporate shill under a barrage of distasteful comments took great moral fiber” said the Nobel Prize voting committee.

In one exchange, a commenter shared “Please don’t censor any games nor appeal to the SocJus crowd, you guys are doing fine as is.” “Thanks! We’ll try to stay that way” Brock responded.

When queried about the state of his company’s popular ‘Destroy all Humans’ franchise, which sees players assuming the role of an extraterrestrial sent to conquer Earth, Brock quipped  “We work it like an alien prostitute.”

After giving time for a controversy to brew in order to draw attention to his cause, Brock then took decisive action by declaring:

“I do not condone child pornography, white supremacy, or racism in any shape or form.”

“Brock displayed an Oscar worthy performance” said one committee member. “Dr. King himself would have heralded this man as a revolutionary visionary” said another. “Brock’s willingness to play along with the comments he despised all to facilitate his bold condemnation is heroic. We would all do well to emulate this paragon of equality and justice.”

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Introducing Verizon’s New Defense Division: ‘Supporting Our Troops, Like We Do Our First Responders.’

Business

2/7/19 8:27am

NEW YORK—Verizon’s CEO announced the acquisition of the only firearm and ammunition manufacturer in the United States today, Remington Arms. “At Verizon, we want to ensure we deliver the same fantastic service to the men and women defending our shores as we do our first responders like the Santa Clara County Fire Department. During the California wildfires, we saved lives by rapidly removing the data throttling we imposed as soon as they paid us double their original unlimited plans’ cost.”

“Our new defense division subscription model will offer a basic plan that provides unlimited ammunition to each and every soldier. In the unlikely event that a noble warrior goes over the unlimited cap of 100 rounds, we will continue supporting the warfighter with unlimited blanks. Should he or she require more live ammunition than is normally allowed per month, the hero’s of our nation can swipe their personal credit cards at any time and upgrade to the premium ‘Pay to Pop’ plan which provides additional live ammunition for a small $1 per round fee.”

“This new paradigm will enable the warfighter to heroically save as many lives as they can afford— just like Verizon.”

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