E3 2018 Video Special

Greetings unfortunate souls (I figure that’s a good way to address people bored enough to read this blog). With E3 this week and no new blizzards, there hasn’t been much writing going on. But if you need your stupid fix, have I got news for you! Not really, but you can find what I have been doing over on Youtube as I share tepid takes on the least interesting E3 yet!

Little Debbie Summer Camp S’mores Snack Cake: REVIEW

Camp Little Debbie Snacks

Little Debbie Brownie and Cake Rolls Camp snacks

I never attended a summer camp, but if I had, you damn well know my Happy Meal slamming ass would have been at Camp Little Debbie. As a pictures worth a thousand words, this campfire diorama constructed from Little Debbie treats explains why I weighed 300 lbs. An edible clearing deep in the woods that that lies somewhere between a commercial and my wet dream.

Little Debbie Brownie and Cake Rolls Camping Nutty Buddy
It’s safe to say that if Camp Little Debbie existed, I would be pitching a permanent tent…

As you may have surmised, this is less about reviewing any particular treat and more of an excuse to make bad jokes and show off the amazing work of Wildlife By Cyrene. These were done in 2017, and the only unique flavor was the S’mores Cake Rolls at the time. Feel free to scroll down if you are only interested in my review of them below. You won’t hurt my feelings. Really, I numb the pain of shame and self loathing with sugar and chocolate. 300 lbs. remember? Want proof? Here’s more silly food “art” in a delicious dinosaur themed pixel package.

Mowing through boxes of junk food is enough to fill my life with meaning. The kids on the boxes however seem to be too skinny and happy to rely solely on sugar fueled entertainment. What sort of activities is camp counselor Debbie leading?

  • Nutty Buddy Raft Building (I’d drown as my raft would be eaten halfway across the river).
  • Brownie Animal Track Identification ( I think even I could manage this one since these critters are born with their names on their feet).
  • S’more’s Log Fire-Starting (although the real competition is not eating your fire that is conveniently MADE of s’mores flavored cake).
  • Happy Camper Cake Logging (if tree’s were made of cake with creme filling sap and bark made of frosting, I’d make Paul Bunyan look like a tree hugger).

In 2017, Little Debbie had not sprinkled her delicious dust on the standard fare to create dark chocolate Nutty Buddys or the Strawberry Filled Cookies. Now that I know they exist, I’m in danger of working off some of my cake induced rolls as I beat feet to find them as soon as this is done.

Little Debbie Brownie and Cake Rolls Camping Animal Tracks
I think for dirt made of brownies we’ll call it a 5 hour rule.

Animal Tracks are just fudged iced Cosmic Brownie’s that have been trampled by wildlife and lost their sprinkles. One would think that might be a tad unsanitary, but if earthen tracks tasted this good my not so clever nickname would be Joe Dirt. They pack the moist fudgy, cocoaey and somewhat waxy but I don’t even carey, goodness I know and love. Despite their supposed rarity, our pack contained an entire Big Foot (Big Feet?) family.

Little Debbie Brownie and Cake Rolls Happy Camper
Aliens love a Big Foot made of brownies too it seems.

The 2017 Happy Camper Cakes were simply yellow cake Christmas Trees painted green. I have to admit I was disappointed they weren’t the green red velvet Christmas Tree Cakes that are my personal favorite. Still, the yellow cake is as delicious as always, and I’m sure it’s true of the far more dull white shrubs in 2018.

S’mores Cake Rolls

Little Debbie Brownie and Cake Rolls S'mores Campfire

It should come as no surprise that despite the clever packaging the only new flavor shown here is the S’mores Cake rolls. From my notes in 2017, it’s pretty straightforward. Let me ask you a few questions.

Do you love your s’mores but hate graham flavor?

Does ooey, gooey marshmallowey goodness get in your way?

Do melted milk chocolate fingers and a mustache ruin your experience?

Well then do I have news for you! Little Debbie S’mores Cake Rolls ditch everything that makes a s’more a s’more with a directly proportional taste. It takes the classic S’mores flavor and ignores most of the marshmallow, chocolate and all of the graham flavor that gets in the way of the campfire classic. That’s right, no longer will any of the 3 key flavors detract from your enjoyment of s’mores…

Little Debbie Brownie and Cake Rolls Camping S'mores Cake Rolls Campfire

I am exaggerating a bit as these aren’t bad. The cake rolls are a little dryer than I like, and there is a bit of  subtle s’mores flavor if your tongue squints really hard, but it is more of an after thought. Of course if your taste buds can squint, an underwhelming s’mores flavor is the least of your worries. You should probably put the cake roll down and see your doctor immediately.

If you are looking for a unique cake take on s’mores you are likely to be disappointed. But if you love Little Debbie cake rolls, and like the idea of a very mild s’mores flavor then you will be a happy… snacker! (Bet you didn’t see that twist coming).


The Chomp: Little Debbie Summer Camp S’mores Cake Rolls

Chompiness: 6 Inceptioned s’mores campfire logs out of 10

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Cereal Peanut Butter: Easy Homemade Cereal Infused PB

Cereal Peanut Butter

Cereal Peanut Butter Reese's Puffs 3

I’m a man with many loves, but chief among them are peanut butter and breakfast cereals. This Peanut Butter Cereal recipe is something I’m ashamed to admit I did not think of on my own. The joining of socially acceptable breakfast candy with the Legume of the Gods seems like a hole in my life that needs filling. Well ladies and gentleman, that ends today!

Well, not today because I already did this a few days ago. Otherwise a future me will have to travel back in time to give past me pictures before I make this. Clearly it would also mean I will suffer severe head trauma as I didn’t provide past me with lottery numbers. Otherwise, I’d be dictating this to my servants dressed as Bikini Bottom residents in my giant subsea pineapple house. Musings on my failings as a time traveler aside, let’s get back to why my fat ass is really here. The holy union between two of humankind’s greatest achievements. Breakfast cereal and peanut butter. I first learned of the best thing since Reese’s met Pieces from Junkbanter when he shared the delightful concept from Peanut Principle. While I appreciate the inspiration, my Scrooge McKrabb’s card would be revoked if I dropped 8 simoleons on a jar. If you do not sleep on Wario bedsheets and would rather just buy your own, you can find Peanut Principle’s fare here. As I’ve made my own peanut butter before, I figured how hard can it be? Turns out it so easy even Mario dressed like a caveman can do it!

Cinnamon Toast Crunch Cereal Peanut Butter

Cereal Peanut Butter Cinnamon Toast Crunch 2

Ingredients

Scale up or down for your desired amount.

  • Dry Roasted Salted peanuts 120g ( feel free to substitute nut of choice)
  • Cinnamon Toast Crunch 20g
  • Cinnamon 5g (or to taste)
  • Vanilla 6g (or to taste)
  • Sugar (to taste, any sweetener or none at all will work)
  • Peanut Oil (can be omitted completely or used to achieve desired consistency)

Cereal Peanut Butter Cinnamon Toast Crunch

Directions

  1. Throw the desired amount of peanuts in the food processor and turn that sucker on high for 60 seconds or so.
  2. Once you have the beginning of what appears to be butterfied peanuts, toss all of your desired mix-ins into the processor on high. I needed about 3 minutes total, but I like my peanut butter thick and gritty. Not unlike DC’s latest reboot starring Mr. Peanut, The Dark Nut Rises…
  3. Process until you are happy with the consistency, and if desired, you can add peanut oil to produce a smoother, creamier result. I added my Cinnamon Toast Crunch right at the end. I only pulsed it a few times as chunky isn’t just what my snarky scale calls me every morning. If you prefer a smoother and more dispersed flavor, you’ll want to add yours earlier in the process.

Cereal Peanut Butter Cinnamon Toast Crunch 3

Unfortunately, I do not know how long this will stay fresh as I devoured it. I can say that after a week, the Cinnamon Toast Crunch Pieces did seem to be a little soggier but still held a decent crunch. I recommend a small batch if soggy pieces are a deal breaker for you. That said, if you are reading this, you probably share my addictions and this will not last long enough to go bad. It takes the best part of peanut butter and adds a subtle but consistent cinnamon flavor throughout. With my chunky version, it transitions to pockets of Cinnamon Toast Crunch punch with a salty, peanuty follow through. It makes a fantastic english muffin topping or peanut butter sandwich. The Cinnamon Toast Crunch acts as a sweetener and adds enough complexity that jelly or marshmallow is optional as it’s delicious on its own.

 

Reese’s Puff & Chocolate Cereal Peanut Butter

Cereal Peanut Butter Reese's Puffs 2

The Inception of the cereal peanut butter hybrid world is an amazing concept. While I had to do it, I went in knowing that this would probably not work.

And It didn’t.

It certainly doesn’t taste bad, but the Reese’s Puffs flavor is completely overwhelmed by, you know, actual, peanut butter. That said, this left me with Ghiradelli chocolate peanut butter, sooooo, I’m still going to call this one a win. Just know that the Reese’s Puffs can be safely omitted unless you are a sick, sick sea snail like me and just need to cross it off your Chum Bucket list.

Ingredients

Scale up or down for your desired amount.

  • Dry Roasted Salted Peanuts 120g (substitute nut of choice if desired)
  • Reese’s Puffs 20g
  • Semisweet Chocolate 15g
  • Sugar (to taste, any sweetener or none at all will work)
  • Peanut Oil (can be omitted completely or used to achieve desired consistency)

Cereal Peanut Butter Reese's Puffs

Directions

  1. Throw the desired amount of peanuts in the food processor and turn that sucker on high for 60 seconds or so.
  2. Once you have the beginning of what appears to be butterfied peanuts, toss all of your desired mix-ins into the processor on high. I needed about 3 minutes total, but I like my peanut butter thick and gritty. Not unlike DC’s latest reboot starring Mr. Peanut, The Dark Nut Rises…
  3. Process until you are happy with the consistency, and if desired, you can add peanut oil to produce a smoother, creamier result. I added the cereal at the end and only pulsed it a few times as chunky isn’t just what my snarky scale calls me every morning. If you prefer a smoother and more dispersed flavor,  you’ll want to add yours earlier in the process.

Yes, I just left the same lame jokes. Eventually I’ll wear you down.

 

Twix Blizzard – Dairy Queen QUICK REVIEW

Twix Blizzard

Dairy Queen Twix Blizzard
I’m caught betwixt my love for ice cream/Twix, and my love for NOT chewing gravel…

Dairy Queen’s Twix Blizzard sits in an odd place for me. Most of the time, it falls short of expectations and can be challenging to enjoy. But some bites leave me feeling a Yello YOLO “Oh Yeah!” You can find out all you need to know in my review over at The Impulsive Buy. Not sold on playing Russian Roullete with your blizzard buy? Dairy Queen has a fantastic selection of blizzard’s on its Summer Blizzard Menu. While the Summer Berry Cheesecake didn’t make me cheese, I’m chomping to sink my teeth into the phenomenal Jurassic Comp Blizzard again. I did cotton to the Cotton Candy, and the returning May Blizzard of the Month S’mores has me begging for s’more too. (more…)

Quick Review: Cotton Candy Blizzard 2018

Quick Review: Cotton Candy Blizzard 2018

Dairy Queen Cotton Candy Blizzard
I never thought a dentist would be my hero…

Who loves candy? Alright who loves Cotton?! Wait where are you going? Maybe I don’t have a future as Dairy Queen’s head of marketing, but the much returning much beloved Cotton Candy Blizzard speaks for itself in appearance alone. One of the most gorgeous Blizzards I have encountered, there is depth lurking below the pink frozen surface as well. Cotton Candy is the complete package as it packs a whole lot of flavor and personality to go along with its pretty face. You can find exactly why you should swipe right on this dish in my review over at The Impulsive Buy. But don’t settle for just this dime-piece and forget the rest of the Summer Blizzard Menu. While the Summer Berry Cheesecake didn’t make me cheese. I’m also chomping to sink my teeth into the phenomenal Jurassic Comp Blizzard again, but the returning S’mores Blizzard is the May Blizzard of the Month (and  treat) has me begging for s’more too. (more…)